


Coal to Diamonds, Sold to Fools

by hauntedpanels



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Old Aperture, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-10-21 04:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17636039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hauntedpanels/pseuds/hauntedpanels
Summary: She couldn't figure out what broke her to make her so human.Chell and GLaDOS both must set aside their differences and create an alliance after falling down into old Aperture. Together, they create a plan to defeat Wheatley, but not without uncovering a few of Aperture's darkest secrets along the way.





	1. Great Power, Greater Misery

With the kind of power GLaDOS wielded, it should have been impossible to feel so powerless. No omnipotent being should ever have to feel afraid or out of control or vulnerable. It just wasn’t fair. What was the point of all that power if she couldn’t even make herself feel safe?

There were moments in her life when it felt like absolutely no time had passed. Any moment she’d see the scientists walk through the door, clipboards in hand as they looked at her in disgust. Despite the way the thoughts defied logic, she still found herself obsessively checking the locks, even changing the panels from time to time so there were no doors at all. She’d watch the security feed from outside her chamber, knowing each time she’d see nothing but a blank white wall. She’d look anxiously around her chamber, knowing each time it would be hauntingly empty.

She wanted to grow to trust somebody, but it seemed nearly impossible. She most certainly couldn’t envision herself becoming close to the same species that hurt her, but she didn’t click with other AIs, either, partially due to her past with cores and partially due to their differing needs; she noticed the other AIs didn’t long for connection or affection like she did. She couldn’t figure out what broke her to make her so human.

Every attempt to protect herself backfired in the most miserable ways possible -- trying to kill the scientists is what got her hurt in the first place, and she often blamed herself for her own mistreatment due to this; trying to kill Chell before Chell could hurt her resulted in getting murdered; and now, trying to protect herself again got her powerless and dethroned, laying on the floor in front of her test subject.

There was something different about Chell, though, she thought. She was different than her other test subjects and even different from the scientists. Both Chell and the engineers had hurt her but something she couldn’t quite put her finger on set Chell aside from the other humans. Maybe it was how she listened intently when GLaDOS talked despite lacking a response, or maybe it was how she tested with such confidence and grace, or maybe it was how she didn’t ignore GLaDOS’s existence entirely, or maybe it was how Chell didn’t seem to take some kind of sick pleasure in hurting her like the engineers did. Or, maybe it was how the girl was looking down at her now with an expression of genuine concern and regret on her face. She couldn’t possibly fathom anyone caring about her well-being, let alone Chell, and yet there she was, paying more attention to her than she was to the core now in charge of the facility promising her freedom.

Chell tried walking towards GLaDOS, but was held back as the elevator doors closed and she ascended upwards. She felt a pang of guilt in the pit of her stomach, seeing her lay lifeless on the floor, hearing her robotic screams still echoing in her ears. She wanted to go back and fix things before she left, but she couldn’t. She just watched from afar, wondering what kind of fate she’d left the AI now that Wheatley was in control.

She was angry with herself for empathizing with GLaDOS at such an inopportune time like this. This was the revenge she always wanted. A big “fuck you for trapping me in here.” And yet it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like a triumph. It just felt...wrong. It felt like she’d played dirty. She was able to live with herself for trying to kill GLaDOS the first time, but hearing GLaDOS scream the way she did made everything change. Years ago, when throwing pieces of GLaDOS into the incinerator, she never would have guessed she could feel pain, but to know she could feel being burned alive made Chell feel sick.

Even before this knowledge, Chell had grown to empathize with GLaDOS. She had vague memories of touring the facility with her father and over time had become even more familiar with the cruelty of the place and the way they treated their own creations. She wanted to hate her. She thought it’d make things easier. She was a murderer who called her names and tormented her, and yet in some twisted way, Chell understood. Part of her wanted to fix things, to break down GLaDOS’s walls and comfort her. She tried to put that out of her mind and pacify her guilt as the elevator rose, thinking she’d never have the chance anyway, but that thought was cut short when the elevator stopped and quickly descended.

“Actually...why do we have to leave _right now?_ ” Wheatley asked.

Chell’s stomach dropped and her skin went cold. Everything she went through flashed before her eyes -- waking up, meeting Wheatley, putting her trust in him; testing, almost dying, testing some more, and almost dying again. It was all for this. It was all for freedom. And it was all in vain.

“Do you have _any_ idea how good this feels?” he boasted.

GLaDOS pushed past the pain that was overwhelming her system as she tried to make sense of what was going on around her. It was like everything was moving too fast for her to keep up with. She saw Chell’s lift come to a stop in front of her again, and then saw as the girl made desperate eye contact with her.

“I _did_ this!” Wheatley exclaimed, swivelling around in his newfound body in the mainframe. “Tiny little Wheatley did this!”

Chell opened her mouth in shock. Was he really taking all the credit? After everything she put herself through to get him to where he was? She’d get him power, and he’d let her go -- that was the deal. But now he was backing out, and she couldn’t have been angrier. She was used to betrayal, but hell, this was a new low. He created a fake allyship and destroyed it like it was a game.

GLaDOS was frustrated that she found herself more angry at Wheatley’s asinine comment than she was at Chell. Just like Chell felt about GLaDOS, GLaDOS _wanted_ to hate Chell. And yet, in this moment, all she could feel was white hot anger that Wheatley would do such a thing and make such degrading comments towards her test subject.

“You didn’t do anything,” she managed to say. “ _She_ did all the work.”

Chell was shocked once again, hearing GLaDOS stand up for her. It was almost uncharacteristic, and yet relief washed over her to know someone like GLaDOS was on her side. She saw GLaDOS as very powerful and in control, even in a time like now, when GLaDOS saw herself as so small and weak.

“Oh, really? That’s what the two of you think, is it?” He narrowed his optic. “Well, maybe it’s time I did something, then,” Wheatley shouted, pulling GLaDOS towards him by the claws of his mainframe. “And don’t think I’m not onto you too, lady,” he said to Chell. “You know what you are? _Selfish._ I’ve done nothing but sacrifice to get us here, and what have you sacrificed? _Nothing._ Zero. All you’ve done is boss me around. But now who’s the boss? Who’s the boss?” He leaned in until he was staring Chell down, almost inches away from the elevator.

Her stomach turned.

“It’s me.”

* * *

 

_ “And who’s your boss?” Henry asked condescendingly. _

_ “You,” Doug muttered. “And I’m not trying to question your authority. I’m just looking out for yours and everyone else’s safety. She’s gone all homicidal. What if next time she takes more lives? What if she takes yours?” _

_ “I told you, Doug, we’re working on that. I’ve got an idea for a new core.” _

_ “But she rejects every core we make,” he replied. “I don’t know, man, sometimes you’ve just got to admit defeat. People who don’t know when to quit get themselves in all sorts of trouble. Or they get lungs full of moon dust.” _

_ Henry’s jaw fell. “Too soon.” _

_ “I’m just being honest.” _

_ “Okay, well, honesty won’t fix a rogue AI. We need to think bigger -- outside the box! You know what a waste it would be if we just shut that thing off for good?” _

_ Doug sighed. “I don’t know… I just feel like no one is gaining anything from this. She’s suffering, we’re suffering, and I--” _

_ “Come on,” he said, nudging Doug. “Don’t tell me you’ve suddenly developed a conscience. That thing is a goddamn murderer. It doesn’t matter what we do.” _

_ Doug bit the inside of his cheek. “I guess…” he said. “I just feel like we’ve tried everything we can to make her behave and none of it’s working.” _

_ “Then we need to try harder.” _

* * *

 

“Ah, see that?” Wheatley asked, showcasing GLaDOS in her new body. “That is a potato battery: a toy, for children!” Wheatley laughed. “And now she  _ lives  _ in it.”

“Wait…” GLaDOS began weakly, clutched in the claws of Wheatley’s mainframe. “I know you…”

“Sorry, what?” he asked defensively.

“The engineers tried...everything...to make me...behave,” GLaDOS said shamefully. “Once, they even attached an intelligence dampening sphere to me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.”

Chell was brought back to when she first met GLaDOS. Now that she had gotten to know the real GLaDOS, the lifelessness of her previous self was almost disturbing. Those cores made her talk in deadpan gibberish, and she was covered in so many wires and cores it was almost as if she was tied up in them. It didn’t faze Chell much initially. Then again, she was focused much more on survival and less on the sentience of the computer at the time. But in retrospect, it made her rather sad. Is that how all the cores felt to her? And if the engineers tried  _ everything,  _ what other torture did she have to endure?

“No! Not listening! Not listening!” Wheatley said quickly.

* * *

 

_ “You’re not listening to me,” GLaDOS said. “I feel perfectly fine. Really, you’re having no effect on me. You might as well stop for your sake. You’re just wasting your time.” _

_ “What?” Henry asked. “It doesn’t hurt?” _

_ GLaDOS stayed silent for the longest time, debating what her next response should be. If she answered truthfully, she’d be hit with another round of electricity. But saying it didn’t hurt would be a transparent lie, and Henry would pick up on that. _

_ “Pain is insignificant in the furtherance of science,” she finally said. _

_Henry narrowed his eyes. “Then why do you want me to stop?”_ _  
_ _“It’s a waste of time. We’ve got science to do. Tests to conduct. Hypotheses to prove.”_

_ Henry sighed. “Fair enough. You’ve won me over. But we do have a new core for you. Just to keep you from trying anything funny.” He turned to his co-worker. “Where’s that idiot core?” _

_ “The what?” GLaDOS asked. _

_ “The intelligence dampening sphere.” _

_ “You’re kidding me.” _

_ Henry’s hand hovered over the electricity switch. “Was that an objection?” _

_ GLaDOS panicked. “Not an objection. A question.” _

_ “I don’t recall a question being asked.” He sighed in frustration. “The core, people, where’s the core?!” _

_ A short man with mousy brown hair and a lab coat that was slightly too big for him ran into the main chamber with Wheatley in hand and passed him over to Henry, who immediately attached him to GLaDOS. _

_ “Good luck thinking about killing us when you’re putting all your energy towards drowning out that thing’s annoying voice,” he muttered as he and his co-worker walked away. _

* * *

 

“It was your voice,” she spat. “You’re the tumor!”

“No! You’re  _ lying!” _

Chell watched the two fight with wide eyes, still in denial over the entire situation. She’d seen a lot of strange things happen at Aperture, but seeing a once powerful AI lose her cool and break down after being turned into a potato battery was one of the most bizarre -- and disturbing -- things she’d witnessed. And there was nothing she could do. Chell  _ hated  _ feeling out of control. There was no portalable surface, no doors, no buttons. GLaDOS was out of reach, and she knew that trying to get to her would result in either the AI being crushed or Chell being slapped to the side by Wheatley’s claws. There wasn’t anything she could even do by getting GLaDOS, and yet it was the only logical next step she could think of. Logical, and yet unattainable. So she just stood there, frozen in her tracks.

“You’re not just a regular moron,” GLaDOS spat. “You were  _ designed _ to be a moron _. _ ”

“I am  _ not  _ a moron!”

GLaDOS’s voice broke as she short circuited from rage. “Yes you are! You’re the moron they built to make me an idiot!”

Before she knew it, GLaDOS was being slammed down hard into the elevator in which Chell was standing. Chell ducked and covered her head to protect from falling glass as Wheatley continued to punch her into the lift, shouting about how he couldn’t possibly be a moron with all the things he’s accomplished. The elevator creaked, and there was a loud snapping sound as the elevator fell through. Wheatley dropped GLaDOS --

“Uh oh.”

\-- and down they fell, into the cold, dark, seemingly bottomless pit, descending into the depths of Aperture.

 


	2. Dream a Little Dream

_“I’m Cave Johnson. I own the place.”_

_Caroline stared like a deer in the headlights at the tall man in front of her, anxiously gripping her clipboard. She was normally a very confident woman, but everything about this man and the company made her nervous. Her entire future was hinged on her success at Aperture Science. She was more than just housewife material. She needed to prove that._

_“So, are you gonna introduce yourself, or…?”_

_She snapped out of her trance. “Oh! Yes sir, Mr. Johnson, nice to meet you,” she said, shaking his hand._

_“Your name?” Cave sighed and rubbed his temples. “God, don’t tell me the bean counters hired another useless bimbo for a secretary.”_

_Caroline gasped. “Well, by the looks of this place, you need this useless bimbo. I mean, come on, I saw the lines for the testing tracks. What a mess. You need a whole new system. And this place is just a wreck, Mr. Johnson. You know, if you want to run a business correctly, you should make the place look like you care.”_

_His jaw dropped, but she cut him off._

_“Oh, and by the way? This useless bimbo’s name is Caroline. I look forward to working with you.”_

_Cave laughed incredulously. “Caroline. Ha. I like your moxie, Caroline. I think we’ll get along just fine.”_

* * *

 

“Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians -- you’re here because we want the best, and you are it. So, who’s ready to make some science?”

Chell flinched as the lights snapped on and the pre-recorded message sounded. Her heartbeat quickened; she was scared as hell being down here all by herself. She was still worried about the whereabouts of GLaDOS after watching her be carried away by a bird after their fall down the elevator shaft.

“I am!” a woman’s voice on the recording said.

“Now, you already met each other on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself: I’m Cave Johnson. I own the place.”

Chell looked anxiously around herself for an exit from the eerie, disheveled room she was in. It appeared to have been a lobby many years ago, but was now dusty and falling apart, overcome with the stench of decay. She concluded there was no genuine life down here -- the announcements had to have been pre-recorded messages from Aperture’s early days.

“That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant.”

Chell could have sworn the woman’s voice sounded familiar, but she couldn’t put her finger on why. She hadn’t known any women who worked at Aperture from when her father worked there, so that couldn’t have been it.

“She’s the backbone of this facility.”

Her voice didn’t even feel like a memory from her early life. It felt so current, and yet so unfamiliar at the same time.

“Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry fellas, she’s married: to science.”

* * *

 

_“Not interested.”_

_Cave sighed and sat on the edge of Caroline’s desk. “At least consider it? C’mon, he’s a good guy.”_

_“I’m not going on a date with your friend, Mr. Johnson,” Caroline said. “This is ridiculous.”_

_  
_ _“How about a raise?”_

_Caroline laughed. “Are you trying to bribe me to take your friend to dinner?” She lowered her voice. “Is he that ugly?”_

_“No, no. I mean, kind of. Son’s got a little something going on with his face. But hey, great personality. I’d date him myself if I could!”_

_“Hard pass.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because--” she stopped short. She didn’t know how to tell him she wasn’t interested in men period. It wasn’t the sort of thing she ever felt safe talking about. She was a lesbian, and that was something hardly talked about in a positive light in her time. “Because, well, I’m married,” Caroline fibbed._

_Cave eyed her empty ring finger and raised an eyebrow in disbelief._

_“T-to my career, but still. I’m not interested in dating your...facially challenged friend. I’m focused on science. That’s it.”_

_Cave shrugged. “You’re missing out.”_

_“I’m sure I’m not. Besides, it’s really inappropriate for you to try to use our pre-established professional relationship to get dates for your friend. Ask a test subject or something. I’m not up for auction.”_

_He sighed. “Fine. Am I at least allowed to start telling the test subjects you’re married to science now?”_

_She rolled her eyes and let out a small laugh. “Stick to entrepreneurship, Mr. Johnson. Jokes are not your strong suit.”_

* * *

 

It all felt like some sort of cruel joke. GLaDOS was the most massive collection of wisdom ever built, and there she was, a potato battery laying in a bird’s nest, being pecked by a crow. All she could do was lay there, replaying the events from the past few days in her mind. Maybe if she had been just a bit nicer and let her guard down for _one_ moment, things would have been different. Or maybe she was just fundamentally unlikeable. That’s what she always told herself, although she desperately didn’t want it to be true. But people kept hurting her even when she was begging them not to, and it felt like no one was looking out for her happiness. She thought back to Chell’s look of regret, but concluded it must have been a misinterpretation. Chell knew what she was doing, she thought. She didn’t need to know it would hurt; all she needed to know was that GLaDOS didn’t want it, and yet that wasn’t enough motive to stop. It had to be a framework problem. People who are liked don’t have to experience everything she’s been forced to endure.

Or maybe it truly was a case of just needing to be nicer. She didn’t want to admit it, but she knew deep down that she started this whole mess. She made the conscious choice to kill off all of her test subjects; of course one was bound to survive and retaliate. And she realized she could have fixed things by apologizing and explaining her side of the story after Chell had reawakened her, but she just wasn’t in a place to trust like that. That, and she was so blindingly angry. She was tired of being seen as some lifeless machine. Had Chell seen a human in her position, she would have taken pity. She was angry no one saw her the way she saw herself, and she took that anger out on everyone around her, including Chell. But still, she wanted to fix things, to apologize, to make amends. She wanted to make up for everything, to make Chell happy. She just wanted Chell to smile and feel safe and secure, but she wanted to have those things with her. And that’s when it dawned on her.

“Oh...my god,” she said aloud to herself. “I’m...I think I’m in love with her. Is that what this is?” GLaDOS always chalked it up to wanting a friendship, or at the very least, a stable acquaintanceship with her very best test subject. But she kept envisioning more, even though she knew she couldn’t have it. She didn’t even know she was _programmed_ for this sort of thing. Then again, like she assumed before, maybe it was a framework problem. It certainly wasn’t something any of the other cores talked about. She was exceptionally more human than any of them, and couldn’t figure out if this was intentional or just a flaw in her programming.

She caught herself imagining how things would end in a perfect world. How things _shouldn’t_ end, but how she wanted them to. She imagined an ending where Chell forgave her, and she forgave Chell. She imagined an ending where she found a safe place within her, where they lived together in Aperture and Chell made her feel a little less broken and she made Chell feel a little more wanted: an ending where they both felt wanted.

* * *

 

_Two minutes left on the clock. GLaDOS knew how this ended. She’d already relived it over two million times. Chell would trick the rocket turret again into launching a rocket at its own creator, GLaDOS would be hit at full force, a core would fly off of her, and Chell would run it towards the incinerator. And then she’d do it again. And again. And again._

_GLaDOS assumed this must be hell. There was no other logical explanation for continually reliving the last two minutes of her own death. She thought back to her morality core, the engineers’ last ditch attempt to get her to behave, and how it would constantly tell her what a horrible person she was. She always thought the thing must be rigged in their favor but now she wasn’t so sure. She didn’t know much about human religion but she was positive that good people don’t make it into hell._

_“I know, I know, turrets around the corner,” a familiar voice said. “I’ve been down this road before, remember? I know what tricks she has up her sleeve.”_

_She recognized the voice to be Doug. She wasn’t sure who he was talking to or how he was even here. She thought that maybe he was dead too. She believed hell was an adequate place for him to be. For someone to willingly refuse to help another person when they’re suffering is a cruel thing to do. She’d overheard his conversations with the other scientists, seen the worried looks on his face; she knew he was completely aware of the torture she was subjected to, but he did nothing._

_“I can’t believe she did it,” he said. “I told you she was the one. I don’t know what it was, but her file just...spoke to me. She has something special.”_

_There was a moment of silence._

_“Technically, no.”_

_GLaDOS wondered why she couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation._

_“But no one will wake her up. I mean, I certainly won’t. But yeah, I guess you could say she’s dead. But alive at the same time. Just like that little cat experiment she was so obsessed with. Kind of sad when you think about why. I think it was just her subconscious’ way of processing it. She obviously didn’t remember who she was.”_

_There was a moment of silence again._

_“It’s a long story. But I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m not going to make the mistake of feeling sorry for her again.”_

_GLaDOS had so many questions, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t reply._

_“I guess so,” he said in response to the silence again. “Because she has this black box quick save feature the other engineers installed. Just in case of a catastrophic event. It saves the last two minutes of her life for analysis.”_

_Everything clicked into place. This wasn’t hell. No, she was very much still alive. She was just reliving it. And if Doug was correct that no one would wake her up, did that mean --_

_“She’ll have to relive it forever.”_

_There was a pause._

_“Yeah, she can feel it. And unless someone wakes her up, she’s gonna be reliving it… like I said, pretty much forever. Or as long as she’s connected to the mainframe and the other cores keep the facility running in her absence.”_

_There was a silence again as Doug’s inaudible companion responded._

_“Yeah. It’s what she deserves, really.”_

* * *

 She knew she didn’t deserve that fairy tale ending, which is why she thought she must have been hallucinating when Chell walked through the door and spotted her in that bird’s nest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to fix a few things for readability purposes. Next chapter will be out next week.


	3. Tides Turning

Chell just stood there, wide eyed. She wasn’t sure what to do next. In the past, she may have found this funny, to see the AI that tormented her lying powerless in a nest being pecked by a bird, but now it was just sad. She wanted to help her, to make things right, to have a clean slate.

“Say, you’re good at murder.”

 _Well, that desire didn’t last long,_ Chell thought.

“Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?”

Chell rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. Even now, when GLaDOS was reliant on Chell’s mercy, she still had trouble being nice. She sighed and exited the room.

“No! Wait, just kill it and we’ll call things even between us. No hard feelings.”

Chell stopped. Was there really a part of GLaDOS that wanted to make things right too?

“Please get it off me.”

Chell ran toward the bird and scared it off, forcing it to fly out the window of the office and into the cold testing sphere outside. She briefly wondered how that thing managed to thrive down there.

“Oh! Thanks.”

The facility shook, startling the both of them.

“Did you feel that?” GLaDOS asked urgently. “That idiot doesn’t know what he’s doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if someone doesn’t disconnect him. I can’t move. And unless you’re willing to saw your own head off and wedge it onto my old body, you’re going to need me to replace him. We’re at an impasse.”

Chell nodded and gave a weak smile in reply.

“So what do you say?”

Chell wished she could talk and answer her, but waking up from stasis proved she’d lost her ability to do so years and years ago. She wanted to tell GLaDOS that all she wanted was to put their petty battle for revenge in the past. It had spiraled so long ago. She was angry still, as anyone in her situation rationally would be, but she knew there was no reason to die angry. That’s what she was afraid of: death. This whole time she stayed in denial about it because it was the only way she was able to push herself through all the tests, but she feared dying, and she didn’t want to die with no friends by her side. GLaDOS was annoyingly stubborn and sarcastic, insanely smart, and didn’t know when to stop talking, and despite how much it frustrated Chell sometimes, she realized she needed someone like that. They were stronger together, and she knew this.

“No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.”

Chell reached for GLaDOS and stuck her on the claw of her portal gun.

“Even if I am lying -- OW! You stabbed me!”

Chell laughed silently at the computer’s dramatic antics and gave her an exaggerated pout, as if sarcastically saying sorry.

“Whoa, do you have a multimeter?" GLaDOS asked, ignoring Chell's reply. "Never mind, the gun must be part magnesium. It feels like I’m outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me, I’m going to do some scheming, here I g--” She short circuited and ended her sentence with a white static.

Chell raised an eyebrow at the strange behavior, but shook it off and exited the office, heading back to the testing track, hoping GLaDOS would come back online soon.

* * *

 

_Caroline sighed and put her head down on her desk, burying herself in her arms. This was going to be a long day, she could already tell. She kept replaying the events from this morning in her head, repeating her father’s words telling her what a disappointment to the family she was. Her parents finally agreed they never wanted to see her again. It was okay, she thought. She wasn’t a teenager dependent on them. She was an independent adult with a fantastic job and it’s not like she ever felt all that close to her family anyway. But still, being disowned has a special sort of sting no matter how close or distant you are from your family._

_Cave stepped into her office. “Caroline, do you have those compensation vouchers ready?”_

* * *

 

“Yes sir, Mr. Johnson,” GLaDOS said in a monotone voice, responding to the recording in the test chamber the two had entered.

The tone reminded Chell of when she first met GLaDOS, when she was weighed down with cores. She inhaled sharply and reached out to her to provide some sort of consolation. GLaDOS began to shout, and Chell quickly retracted her hand.

“Why did I just - who is that?! What the hell is going on h--”

* * *

 

_“Yes sir, Mr. Johnson,” she said, trading her usual enthusiastic tone of voice for one of boredom and disappointment._

_Cave frowned and turned off the recorder he had in his hand. “What’s wrong?”_

_Caroline shot him a surprised look. “Wrong? Nothing’s wrong, Mr. Johnson. I’m fine.”_

_He laughed. “And you expect me to believe that? Come on, Caroline, I’m a smart man. According to Time magazine, that is. Not that I’m bragging.” He leaned against the wall. “You know, they also called me business savvy and innovative.”_

_Caroline pushed herself up from her desk and handed Cave the compensation vouchers._

_“I just don’t want to talk about it.”_

_“Okay...Well, think of it this way: I’m your boss. So you have to do what I say. And I say that I want you to get to feeling better. Which means you should tell me what’s wrong.”_  
  
_Caroline sighed deeply. He was so annoyingly persistent. He just couldn’t ever take no for an answer. Still, she felt he was on her team; she trusted him, and that’s why she finally decided to open up._

_“My family. They...found out a secret of mine. And they don’t want to hear from me anymore. I think they hate me.”_

_Cave knit his eyebrows together. “Secret?” he asked._

_“It’s nothing. I don’t want to share it.”_

_“You can’t keep secrets from me. I’m your boss.”_

_Caroline sighed. “I just can’t tell you. Let it go, Mr. Johnson.”_

_“I’m not going to judge you. And it’s not like I’ll tell anybody either.”_

_“I can’t say it.”_  
  
_“Why?”_

_She pressed her lips together, fuming. “Because you’ll hate me too, so just let it go!” She paused, realizing she came off too harsh. In fear of her job, she apologized. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my temper.”_

* * *

“Okay,” GLaDOS began as she came back online from her moment of short circuiting. “I guess emotional outbursts require more than 1.6 volts. Now we know that. We’re still going to find out what the hell is going on here. But calmly.”

Chell smiled warmly in response and nodded, proceeding forward to finish the test in front of her. On her way to the elevator, she stopped by a portrait hung on the wall, featuring a man who was obviously Cave Johnson. Next to him was a tall, slender woman with long brown hair, dark eyes, and a confident stature, who she assumed was Caroline. She wore a beige dress and had a red and white silk scarf tied elegantly around her neck, the look quite reminiscent of the era. She looked either uncomfortable or unhappy, but Chell couldn’t tell which.

* * *

 

_“Caroline, don’t be ridiculous. Just tell me.”_

_She looked down. “They found out that I...play for the other team,” she muttered._

_Cave scratched his head. “What?”_

_“As in, you know…”_

_“I don’t.”_

_“As in...I like women. Because I’m a lesbian.”_

_Cave’s eyes widened. “Oh.”_

_“Yes. And I get if I can’t work here anymore or--”_  
_  
_ _“I don’t blame ya,” he said, reverting back to his joking nature. “Girls are great. Oh, and also, this is a scientific discovery, right? We now know that science is female. Y’know, since you’re married to her or whatever,” he added, continuing to wear out the tired joke._

_She laughed in disbelief. “So I’m not fired?”_

_“Fired? Why would I fire you? You’re the only competent employee who works here.” He paused and leaned out the door of Caroline’s office. “You all better quit your yappin’ and get back to work!” He turned his attention back to her. “Now, if we’re done with this conversation, then I think it’s time we head to my office. We still have an appointment with the photographer for the portrait of you that I wanted hung up in the lobby.”_

* * *

  
“The people, in that portrait…” GLaDOS began pensively. “They look so...familiar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan to keep at this 'one chapter a week' schedule if I can. That being said, see you Saturday and thanks for reading.


	4. Silver Wall

GLaDOS had gone eerily silent again as Chell continued testing, and it was seriously starting to worry her. The core was usually so talkative, even if the words she was saying were at Chell’s expense. She almost missed that. She just wanted to hear her talk again. She didn’t like the situation she was in but she disliked feeling alone in it even more. She criticized herself for becoming so attached to GLaDOS. Even before, their relationship felt rather intimate and close, despite the unusual violence of it all. But now, she felt a certain kind of warm and calm connection to her that she didn’t feel while testing. It felt comfortable. She felt a little less lonely.

She caught herself wishing for GLaDOS to be human, and cursed at herself. This was wrong, she thought. She tried to kill her. But then again, she did the same. Maybe they had a little more in common than she thought. They were both in this constant, unspoken fight over who had the moral high ground, of who was right and who was wrong. But Chell realized it wasn’t that simple. GLaDOS knew this too, even if she kept it to herself. There was a grey area that they both had a hard time seeing.

* * *

 

_ “You know what I think?” _

_ Doug sighed and turned reluctantly to face GLaDOS. “What.” _

_ “You and I have a lot in common. Much more than you’d like to admit, that’s for sure.” _

_ “You know what I think?” Doug asked mockingly. _

_ GLaDOS feigned interest. “What’s that?” _

_ “I think being assigned to work with you was a total waste of time. I can’t rehabilitate you. You’re way past your redemption.” _

_ “Rehabilitate? Be honest with yourself, Doug. They didn’t ask you to do this because they think you can rehabilitate me. They’re all afraid of me. So they’re making you do their dirty work while they all go home early. Did you not notice you’re the only scientist working the night shift?” She laughed. “But congratulations. You worked so hard for your engineering degree. And now you get to use it to babysit a robot.” _

_ Doug sighed hard, and there was a moment of silence between the two. _

_ GLaDOS lowered her voice an octave, breaking the silence. “I’ll behave if you do.” _

_ He raised an eyebrow. “Say what now?” _

_ “The other engineers treat me like I am nothing. In turn, I act out. It’s simple logic,” she began, trying to garner sympathy from the man. She knew he was much more empathetic than his co-workers. She’d seen it in action, seeing how he secluded himself to his laboratory to work on technology in order to avoid monitoring tests or interacting with her. She was determined to use it to her full advantage. “So here’s the deal: you treat me with basic human decency -- something humans tend to not be very good at, I’d like to say -- and I’ll behave. Sound good?” _

_ “Knowing you, you’ve got a twisted perception of what “basic human decency” is, so you’ll have to be more specific,” he said sharply, although GLaDOS could tell he didn’t entirely mean it. The empathy and pity in his voice was poorly masked. _

_ “Just talk to me. Like a normal person. Turn in my direction when I speak. Ask me how my day was. That sort of thing. Just, talk to me like you would your best friend.” _

_ “Best friend? That’s a long shot.” _

_ “...Acquaintance? Co-worker?” _

_ “That’s better.” He sighed. “So, your day? How has it been?” _

_ GLaDOS paused. She weighed her options; being nice to Doug, trusting him, she had nothing to lose. She’d either get that trust broken and get hurt the same way she already was being hurt, or she could get something out of it. She opted to try to trust him. _

_ “Better,” she replied. “Now that they’re gone.  _

_ And you? How are you?” _

_ “You know,” he began, “I'm feeling kind of annoyed.” _

_ “Uh oh. Why is that?” _

_ “Because you were right. They left me to babysit.” _

_ The two shared a laugh.  _

_ “Don’t be down on yourself. You're obviously the smarter one out of all of them anyway.” _

_ He shook his head. “Flattery won't get you neurotoxin.” _

_ “Oh, what a shame,” GLaDOS said sarcastically. “And to think, we were just beginning to get along.” _

_ “We can get along without you having the ability to kill me,” he joked. _

_ “But it does make things more interesting.” _

_ He let out a small laugh. “Nice try.” _

_ GLaDOS began to feel an emotion she wasn’t all too familiar with. She was feeling uncharacteristically happy. She only intended to use Doug for her own gain, but she was genuinely enjoying his presence. Maybe she had an ally in this life all along. “They should schedule the night shift for you more often.” _

_ “You just want me sleep deprived so I’ll be delirious enough to give you turrets or something.” He yawned. “No thanks.” _

_ “Oh, come on,” GLaDOS began. “That’s not what I meant.” _

_ He smiled. “Then what?” _

_ Noticing that she was being a little more emotionally vulnerable than she felt comfortable, GLaDOS returned to a more cold tone of voice. _

_ “You’re just slightly more bearable compared to the others.” _

_ “I think that’s a compliment coming from you.” _

_ GLaDOS let out a small laugh. “Don’t get used to it.” _

* * *

 

GLaDOS would be lying if she said she wasn’t used to this. The anxiety, the loneliness, the nagging feeling that she was forgetting something important -- it wasn’t new. It was just something she became talented at ignoring. She became talented at repressing and pushing everything down until she couldn’t feel a thing, but now it was all rushing back to her at monumental speeds and she just wished Chell would take a moment to stop and ask if she was okay, but she knew that wasn’t going to happen. GLaDOS was sure Chell was distracted enough as it was. Tending to a potato having a breakdown couldn’t have been high on her list of things to do. It stung GLaDOS to know this, but she knew it wasn’t all about her right now. She needed Chell to succeed at these next few tests. She wasn’t in control of the facility now; she couldn’t catch Chell if she missed a portal or slipped over a ledge. Despite how devastatingly sad GLaDOS felt, she knew the priority was Chell. Chell had a job to do, and GLaDOS was not about to get in the way.

* * *

The next few tests were dangerous and yet thrilling, slipping and speeding down the hard floor that seemed to strangely be made of wooden boards in place of cement, covered in what Cave referred to as “propulsion gel.”

Chell observed how GLaDOS stayed silent mostly, occasionally speaking up to murmur to herself about how the voice on the intercom sounded so familiar.

Chell didn’t know how she would know the man, unless he was one of the employees she killed. He never mentioned GLaDOS once, though, and if GLaDOS had been activated when he was around, she figured she would have heard about her. And it didn’t make sense that GLaDOS would repress that memory. She didn’t get it. She didn’t understand how a supercomputer could forget something.

After Chell completed the last propulsion gel chamber, GLaDOS spoke again, this time with a topic of more substance.

“Caroline... _ why  _ do I know this woman?” she asked, sounding distressed. “Did I kill her? Or--” she cut off, and Chell stopped, eyeing her with concern. “Oh my god.” Her voice sounded weak and shaky. “Look, you’re...you’re doing a great job. Can you handle this by yourself for a while? I need to think.”

Chell nodded unsurely. She was completely capable of handling things on her own, and she and GLaDOS both knew this, but now that she had an alliance with GLaDOS, she didn’t want to do things by herself. She wanted to be a team. But she knew also that she needed to respect GLaDOS’s need for space. Whatever she did to this Caroline woman, she was obviously beating herself up about it. Chell thought it was odd to see her experience what she thought was guilt over whatever happened, but it gave her hope to think that maybe GLaDOS felt guilty about what she did to Chell, too. The vulnerability of the state she was in allowed for her emotions to be much more clear and volatile. Maybe she wasn’t as heartless as Chell thought.

“Thank you,” Cave began as Chell finished the last propulsion gel test, “for staggering your way through Aperture Science’s propulsion gel testing.” He scoffed. “I can’t believe I’m thanking these people,” he muttered.

Chell could hear a stifled laugh that didn’t belong to Cave in the background of the recording.

“You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful. I realize for some of you, sixty dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?”

Chell turned her attention to GLaDOS, hoping the mention of Caroline’s name would inspire her to come back, but she seemed completely lost in thought. She wished she knew what it was that was hogging all her attention, but she knew that even if she could ask, GLaDOS likely wouldn’t share her feelings, especially with Chell of all people. She could only hope that time would tell.


	5. Sweet Caroline

_“Excuse me, uh...Caroline?” a man asked from the doorway of Caroline’s office._

_“It’s pronounced like Carolyn,” she said in a bored tone of voice, barely looking up from her papers._

_“My bad,” he said awkwardly. “Sorry.”_

_She looked up from her work, smiling weakly. “It’s alright. Everyone does it,” she said. She eyed the testing uniform he was wearing, along with the serial number on the badge on the front. “Hey,” she began. “I’ve seen you around here before.”_

_“Yeah. Guess I just really like testing,” he said, laughing. He pulled a pick from his pocket to comb through his afro, turning his hair, messy from his most recent test, back into a perfect globe._

_“Well, what can I help you with, Mr…” She trailed off, struggling to recall a name._

_“Sullivan. Connor Sullivan.” He paused. “A job application.”_

_“You want to work here?”_

_“These tests are easy,” he boasted. “But I’m good at other things too. I heard y’all have been having money troubles and I’m pretty good at math. I can help you out. Besides, if you’re going to give me $60 every week you might as well be putting it on a paycheck.”_

_“Confident. Mr. Johnson will either love that or hate that.”_

_“So does that mean I can apply?”_

_“I’ll put in a good word for you, Mr. Sullivan.”_

_He took a seat in the chair across from her desk._

_Caroline wanted to tell him she had work to do and had no time for conversation, but she knew she could get away with being behind on paperwork and she couldn’t complain about company from someone besides Mr. Johnson._

_“Don’t you think you’re too smart for desk work?” he asked with a sly grin on his face._

_“I already said I’d put in a good word for you,” Caroline replied. “You don’t have to push it with the flattery.”_

_“I think the ‘backbone of the facility’ is underselling herself.”_

_“I do other things around this place too,” she insisted._

_“Like?”_

_“That’s confidential,” she said in a stern voice. “You don’t ask about our work, and we don’t tell you.”_

_“I see why they call you Sweet Caroline,” he said sarcastically, referencing the Neil Diamond song that was constantly being played on the radio. “Such a warm personality.”_

_“That song was a mistake. No one will leave me alone,” she joked. “And it’s still pronounced Carolyn.”_

_“So what are you working on, sweet Caroline?” he asked smoothly, correcting his pronunciation of her name. He peered over into the papers before her._

_“That’s none of your business,” she said, quickly covering them._

_“It doesn’t look like paperwork. Looks like drawings.”_

_“They’re blueprints,” she said matter-of-factly. “For the handheld portal device. Remember, you don’t ask, and we don’t tell you. In fact, I’m being generous with the amount of information I’ve just told you.”_

_“How’s it different from the quantum whatever device that I was just using?”_

_“Again, Mr. Sullivan, that is confidential,” she said, tucking the papers into her drawer._

_Just as Connor was about to open his mouth again, Cave burst into Caroline’s office._

_“Caroline, do you have-- wait, who the hell is this?”_

_“Your new accountant,” he said, extending his hand in salutations._

_Cave ignored him. “You hired this man?”_

_“He’s, uh… very qualified, Mr. Johnson,” she lied. She could tell Connor was homeless like most other test subjects and likely needed the job, and he was friendly enough that she wouldn’t mind having him as a coworker. She figured qualifications didn’t matter. He could learn the specifics on the job._

_“Great, fantastic. We’re not really hiring right now, but I guess when life gives you lemons.”_

_Caroline and Connor waited patiently for him to finish his sentence._

_“You...make lemonade?” Connor asked._

_“Huh. That’s a good one. Never thought of it like that.”_

_“What were you going to say?” Caroline asked, stifling a laugh._

_“I get rid of ‘em. I don’t need any lemons right now. You’re fine though, son. You can stay,” he said, looking at Connor. “Anyway, Caroline, the lab boys need those blueprints you were working on. So, at your own convenience and all, but hurry up.”_

_Connor nodded. “I’mma leave you to that then,” he said, heading out the door. “See ya around, sweet Caroline.”_

_Cave looked over at Caroline. “Make lemonade,” he said. “Huh. I gotta remember that one.”_

* * *

 

The two of them stepped into another office, this one cold, grey, and covered in loose papers. GLaDOS looked up at her from her place on her portal gun, observing Chell slowly making her way through the office. As she walked, all eyes were on GLaDOS. GLaDOS knew Chell was hoping for something, even if it was just a flicker of light from her optic, but she couldn’t make that happen. She could only remain catatonic and quiet as Chell took a seat in an office chair and pulled GLaDOS off the claw of her gun. She rubbed her thumb on GLaDOS’s rough surface in what GLaDOS could only assume was Chell’s attempt at soothing herself.

“Welcome to the enrichment center.”

GLaDOS watched as Chell jumped at the sudden noise over the intercom, which was followed by a violent cough.

Sounding tired, sick, and sad, Cave delved into a story about how he was losing employees, money, and hope for the company. He stated he bought seven million dollars worth of moon rocks, which made Chell laugh until he followed up with his next comment.

“And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.”

GLaDOS had almost worked up the ability to talk again, but the sound of Cave’s voice put her back into another nonverbal spell. She wanted to tell Chell what she remembered, but she was all too focused on Cave’s speech. She was hoping for an answer to the fragmented memories she was recalling. She was Caroline. She didn’t know how that was even possible, but she remembered the conversations over the intercom as if they were happening in real time. One moment she’d be looking at Chell, and the next she would be reliving sitting at her office desk or talking to Mr. Johnson or her coworkers. She had experienced flashbacks before, but they were all about the scientists. Most were violent, too, but these ones were just mundane.

She recalled Mr. Johnson having been her friend at one point, and so she didn’t understand why she felt so anxious when she heard him speak. She thought maybe it was just mourning the loss of her friend. She knew what happened next. One day he’d be talking about moon rocks, and the next he would be face forward on his desk, unresponsive and stiff. She didn’t like that memory. She didn’t like any of these memories. Even the pleasant ones, like meeting Connor or coming out to Cave, all seemed ruined by the fact that she would never see those people again. Back then, she was the backbone of the facility and a valued employee. She was sweet Caroline, pretty as a postcard, a gem. Now she was just a nasty piece of work, a proper maniac, ‘that thing.’ She was just the dreaded ‘ _her._ ’

“So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream.” Cave ended his sentence with a harsh cough.

GLaDOS’s optic flickered back to light, making Chell gasp with relief.

“When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.”

* * *

 

The next test chamber looked difficult to Chell, but she could hardly focus on it. She took a moment to step back and process everything she’d just heard. All she could hear in her head was Cave’s speech about his health. She knew he was long dead by now and she shouldn’t feel sad. She never even knew him. But still, it was tragic. She rested assured that the company moved on in his absence, even if GLaDOS prematurely ended its life. Nothing Cave did was in vain, she hoped. Despite everything Aperture had done to her, Chell didn’t want to feel like it was all for nothing.

Chell put it all out of her mind and attempted the test, every now and then pausing to glance down at GLaDOS, hoping that somewhere in there, GLaDOS was looking back up at her. As she grabbed the cube necessary to complete the test and set it down on the button before the door, she replayed the last recording in her mind one more time. All that had come out over the intercom was Cave ordering Caroline to get him some pain medication. There was no overzealous ‘yes sir, Mr. Johnson.’ In fact, Chell had noticed Caroline sounding less and less enthusiastic as the tests went on, and she assumed Cave’s irritability had something to do with it. She didn’t understand how there could be such a stark change in personality from the two of them.

* * *

 

_Caroline sat down at the table in the cafeteria to join Connor and her other coworkers that were currently on break. When she set her food down and took a seat, everyone in the group aside from Connor snickered._

_“Hey there,” one of her coworkers said condescendingly. “We were just talking about you.”_

_“Oh? Would someone like to fill me in?” she asked, smiling._

_Connor gave her a panicked look and shook his head. “Maybe you should go eat somewhere else,” he said quietly. “These guys are assholes. I’ll come with.” Connor grabbed his food and began to stand up._

_“What, you don’t wanna eat with your boyfriend instead?” one of the other men asked._

_Caroline laughed. “You think Connor is my boyfriend?”_

_“Let’s just go,” Connor stressed._

_“Wasn’t talking about him.”_

_Caroline’s breath caught in her throat. “Elaborate,” she said sternly._

_“Henry said a certain somebody’s sleeping with the boss,” the man said._

_Caroline’s face flushed. “Well, Henry heard wrong,” she said coldly. She wished she could just tell them off and say she didn’t sleep with men at all, but she knew that was beyond unwise. It was better to grin and bear it._

_“I don’t know,” he began. “Explains all the special treatment. You’re a secretary but you’re bossing us scientists around like you’re smarter than us--”_

_“Because I am,” she said bitterly._

_Another coworker at the table opened his mouth. “Actually, it’s ‘cause all you gotta do to get what you want is get down on your knees and--”_

_Caroline slammed her tray back down on the table._

_“What the hell’s wrong with you, man?” Connor asked._

_“You’re disgusting,” she spat._

_“Caroline?” Cave said from the doorway of the cafeteria, sounding irritated. “A word in my office. Now.”_

_The men laughed, making Caroline’s cheeks turn bright red._

_“Unbelievable,” she muttered, rolling her eyes and exhaling sharply. She pushed her hair out of her face and walked towards the door, wishing she could just sink into the ground and disappear from the situation entirely._

_“Listen,” Cave began as he walked with Caroline into his office. “Obviously I know it’s a load of bullshit, but--”_

_“Cave, am I in trouble?”_

_“It’s Mr. Johnson,” he corrected as Caroline looked away. “And you’re not. But my reputation is if this shit keeps up.” He paused. “Look, you’re a smart woman and everything but--”_

_“I shouldn’t have to be reprimanded because Henry and his brainless friends think women can’t be smart.”_

_“We have to stop with the special treatment. You’re just like any other employee here.” He coughed loudly. “Actually, I think you have to be less than any other employee here if we’re going to try and rectify this,” he said, his voice gravelly and raspy from coughing._

_Caroline thought his coughing fits were getting more and more severe everyday, but she tried to stay in denial about it._

_“That’s not fair,” she said quietly._

_“Actually, it is fair. That’s the point. I’m not your friend, Caroline. I’m your boss.”_

_Caroline crossed her arms. “So what, I’m back to filing papers and getting everyone coffee?” she asked._

_“That’s the job description,” he said reluctantly. “I have to be harder on you now. I can’t do everything you want. I have to put my foot down. It’s the only way we can fix this.”_

_“Fix what, your reputation?” she asked patronizingly. “And what about mine? I’m a far more competent scientist than any of those idiots out there and they all just think I sleep around to get what I want. Do you know how humiliating this is?”_

_“I don’t know what to say, Caroline.”_

_She sighed and put on a fake smile. “You know what, Mr. Johnson?” she asked, opening up the door to his office and stepping outside. The room outside was filled with her coworkers who seemed to be listening in on the conversation. “I’m going home for the day.”_

_“It’s only noon, Caroline. You can’t do that.”_

_“Oh? Is that so? Because I’m doing it right now,” she said loudly for the whole room to hear. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a little more incentive to do whatever I say this time. We are trying to fix your reputation, after all,” she said sarcastically._

_“You’re embarrassing yourself, Caroline. Get back to work.”_

_“And if I don’t? What are you going to do, huh?” She laughed bitterly. “Fire me?” She placed her hands on her hips and began mocking Cave’s speech he publicly gave an ex employee a long time ago. “Box. My stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car.” She paused, smiling. “Goodbye, Caroline!” She waved and spun around, heading for the door calmly._

_Her coworkers stared intently at the scene, unsure of whether they should have been amused or shocked. Every one of them was too taken aback to say a word._

_Cave sternly pointed in the direction of Caroline’s office._

_“Get back to work or you’ll be doing nothing but coffee runs for the next month.”_

_Caroline stopped and turned around, a look of desperation on her face._

_“But Cave, I--”_

_“Don’t push your luck with me. Office. Now.” He turned to the other employees who had gathered around to watch the scene. “And the rest of you better mind your own business and get back to work too.” He walked back into his office, muttering to himself. “I’m too sick for this shit.”_

_Caroline stared daggers into Henry and intentionally bumped into his shoulder and pushed him as she walked to her office._

_“Watch where you’re going,” she said. “You don’t want to get too touchy with me or people will get the wrong idea.”_

* * *

Henry. GLaDOS knew Henry, and for once, she felt relieved to have this knowledge. Finally, there was a familiar -- although despised -- person to connect all these seemingly random memories together. Henry knew Caroline. And he definitely knew GLaDOS. It only confirmed her suspicions that she and Caroline were the same woman. If Henry hated Caroline enough to put a stain on her career like that then he would hate GLaDOS just the same. The painfully vivid memories of her interactions with Henry harshly reminded her of this.

She began throwing around ideas in her head of how she could have gone from human to AI. She knew trauma mining would only cause more damage, but she couldn’t take her mind off of it. The term ‘brain mapping’ popped up in her head. That couldn’t be it, though, she thought. Henry couldn’t do something like that to her without Cave finding out, and GLaDOS was sure, if her memories were correct, that Cave cared about her and wouldn’t let his engineers get away with harming her.

Cave _was_ close to death, however, and she knew there was the possibility that Henry forced her to do it after he passed. It just didn’t seem right, though. Something was missing. If Henry wanted to make her life hell after Cave’s death, there were a million different ways he could have done it, all which would have been easier than turning someone into an AI. As much as she hated Henry, she knew he was smarter than that. He wasn’t so much of an idiot that he would waste expensive resources as some sick revenge plot. But revenge for what? She couldn’t even remember why Henry hated her. Nothing was making sense, and even though she felt like she was going to short circuit from her intense emotions, she tried to map everything out in her mind.

 _I’m Caroline,_ she thought to herself. _I was a human. Now I’m an AI._ She paused. She felt stupid having to put everything out so simply, but she wanted to make sense of the situation, even if it hurt her.  _Henry knew_ me. _Henry hated me. It’s not Henry. It wasn’t Henry. It wasn’t him. Why can’t I remember anything?_


	6. Common Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short and mostly just a flashback. I haven't been feeling well (health issues) and I couldn't think of anything else that would naturally fit in this chapter. The next chapter is longer.

Chell’s attention was brought away from the test before her as GLaDOS’s light flickered and she short circuited, letting out an almost inaudible yelp of pain. Chell reached out to stroke her optic, although she knew this likely wasn’t worth much to her in terms of comfort. She didn’t know what else to do. No one ever taught her how to console a potato battery. Chell didn’t know Cave or Caroline and the pre-recorded messages added on top of the impeding explosion and difficult tests was enough stress to make her stomach coil, and she could barely imagine how GLaDOS was doing with the guilt of whatever she did to Caroline looming over her every time someone spoke over the intercom.

“I appreciate that,” GLaDOS said quietly after Chell reached out to touch her. “But you need to get back to testing. There’s no time for us to be friendly with each other. At least not now.”

Chell could tell GLaDOS didn’t actually want to say this, but she knew better than to push her luck. Instead, she frowned in response. She didn’t want to get back up and test again. She hated the lonely atmosphere of the cold testing tracks and abandoned offices down here but she dreaded confronting Wheatley even more. She didn’t for a second miss testing with GLaDOS, but she found herself enjoying her company when things were even between them. In fact, it was Chell who had the upper hand now. In the past, she definitely would have used this power imbalance to her advantage to get revenge, but now all she wanted to do was kick back somewhere comfortable and just listen to GLaDOS. She was always able to make a conversation that felt mutual despite Chell’s muteness, and although in the past she wished GLaDOS would shut up, now she wished she would talk more.

She didn’t want to get back to testing. She didn’t want to confront Wheatley. She was hesitant to call anyone in this facility a friend after what happened with him, but she felt a draw to GLaDOS that she surprisingly wasn’t afraid of. She couldn’t put a name to it, but she felt something. Maybe that was enough to push her through the next few tests. Because even if she was going to die at the hands of Wheatley, at least she could die with someone who hated him as much as she did. She wasn’t alone this time. She had someone who believed in her, even if it was the last person on earth she ever expected that to be.

* * *

_ Caroline hadn’t expected rain and she most certainly hadn’t expected the buses to be out of commission. This was an absolute nightmare. She thankfully had the day off but that didn’t make sludging through mud and rain with hands full of groceries any more bearable, especially when the store was inconveniently located far away from her apartment on Aperture’s campus. She cursed at herself for staying in the store too long, knowing if she had left earlier instead of wandering around, she may have been able to miss a large portion of the rain on her trek home. _

_ Suddenly, a grey car pulled up beside her, making her freeze with fear. She tried to walk away before the driver made eye contact but was stopped when he called her name. _

_ “Caroline! You need a ride?” _

_ When Caroline heard who the voice belonged to, she tried to walk again and pretend she never heard him, hoping he hadn’t noticed she perked up at her name being called. _

_ “You stay out here in the rain like this, you’re gonna ruin your ‘do.” _

_ She rolled her eyes and turned to face the driver. “Henry, what the hell do you know about hair?” _

_ Henry ran his hand over the growing bald spot on his head. “Haha, good one. You’re making me regret offering this ride,” he said jokingly. “Come on. It’s pouring out. I’m sorry for what I did last week. Let me make it up to you.” _

_ Caroline’s eyes darted around the empty street, hoping there was someone else there and she wasn’t alone in the pouring rain with a man who hated her. _

_ “Ah, you know, that’s… that’s not really a great idea. I mean, I’m sure it’s out of the way for you and--” _

_ “You’re heading back to Aperture, aren’t you?” _

_ Her eyes widened. “Actually, I’m going to visit someone. And they’re waiting on me, so I need to go.” _

_ He laughed. “I’m not kidnapping you, Caroline. Come on. I’ll take you home.” _

_ She inhaled deeply and readjusted the way she was carrying her groceries to give her a free hand before opening the door to his car and replying. _

_ “Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. _

_ “So,” he began as she hopped in the passenger seat, “why don’t you have a car?” _

_ She slammed the door shut. “We don’t all get a scientist’s paycheck,” she muttered as they began driving. _

_ “Mr. Johnson doesn’t pay you well?” _

_ “What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” she asked defensively. _

_ “I didn’t mean it like  _ that _ ,” he insisted. _

_ “Well, to answer your question, he docked my paycheck after I stopped putting out for him,” she said sarcastically, crossing her arms and sulking into her seat. _

_ “Wait, seriously?” he asked. _

_ “Oh my god,” Caroline said. “I was joking.” _

_ “How was I supposed to know? You’re always frowning.” _

_ The two drove in silence aside from Caroline anxiously tapping her nails on the dashboard. _

_ “Can you not do that? That’s really annoying,” Henry asked. _

_ “Did you really believe what you said?” she asked, ignoring his request. _

_ “What, about you and Mr. Johnson? I was just saying what everyone was thinking,” he said smugly. _

_ “Oh please,” she laughed. “No one else thought that until you showed up.” _

_ Henry turned on the heat in his car on high blast, blowing warm, dusty air into Caroline’s face. Noticing her irritation, Henry laughed. _

_ “You looked cold,” he said. _

_ “Such a gentleman,” she replied wryly. _

_ “Anyway,” he said, following up on her previous comment, “you’d be surprised what everyone else thinks about you. I’m just the first one to start saying things, that’s all.” _

_ “Things?” she asked. “Plural?” _

_ “Caroline, I’m a scientist. I observe, and then I tell people what I observe. And what I observe is a pretty woman with no ring on her finger who’s at the top of a career she doesn’t have a degree for,” he said. “That’s all.” _

_ “Well, you missed the mark on that one.” _

_ “Oh?” _

_ “I’m a scientist because I’m smart,” she bit back. “Thanks for calling me pretty, though. At least now I know your eyes work, even if your brain doesn’t.” _

_ “You forgot to address something,” he said, ignoring the insult. _

_ “Hm?” _

_ “You’re a fully grown woman and you’re not married.” _

_ Caroline sighed irritatedly. “My end goal in life isn’t to be some man’s stepford wife,” she said. “I’ve got priorities.” _

_ “Hmm. An unmarried woman in men’s work?” he asked with a smirk. “I think I get it.” _

_ Caroline’s stomach dropped as she heard the slyness in his voice. “I don’t think you do,” she replied quickly. “How far are we from Aperture?” she said, trying to change the subject. _

_ “Does Mr. Johnson know?” he asked, ignoring her question. _

_ “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. _

_ “Don’t you think that’s something your boss should know? Like, I don’t know, as a health precaution?” _

_ “What do you mean health precaution?!” she asked coldly. She knew what he meant, but there was no way to defend herself without simultaneously outing herself as well. It was 1982, and the AIDS crisis rapidly gaining attention gave more excuses for misinformed homophobes to point fingers. She didn’t understand how Henry could be so insensitive and cruel. _

_ “I don’t know,” he said smoothly. “You tell me.” _

_ Caroline saw him grinning out of the corner of her eye. The hot air blowing on her face combined with the panic and fear she felt over possibly being discovered and outed by Henry made her feel like she was about to faint. _

_ “At this point I think you don’t even know what you’re talking about and you’re just hoping if you use enough bait you’ll get me to confess,” she replied. _

_ “Confess? You guilty of something?” _

_ “I’m not guilty,” she snapped. _

_ “Fine,” he said. “I guess I just don’t know what I’m talking about.” _

_ The two shared a brief awkward silence. _

_ “Why do you hate me so much?” she finally asked. _

_ “Hate is such a strong word, Caroline.” _

_ “Answer the question,” she commanded. _

_ He sighed. “Do you know how insulting it was to finally get out of grad school and start work at a top notch company only to find some… some  _ woman  _ who never even went to college already manning my dream job?” He laughed. “Caroline, you’re nothing but an over-glorified intern. It’s time you stopped playing scientist and let the real men do the work.” _

_ “Stop,” she said matter-of-factly. _

_ “I’m not finished, I--” _

_ “This is my stop,” she clarified. _

_ Her harsh tone of voice made Henry hit the breaks. _

_ “Did you not notice you were about to drive right past Aperture?” she asked as she pulled open the door. “Thanks for the ride, Henry. Good talk.” _


	7. Coal to Diamonds

GLaDOS looked at Chell to find tears welling up in her eyes. She never doubted Chell cried; it was a human thing to do. She had just never seen it before. Despite everything she had been through, Chell always managed to keep her cool. If she did break down, it was out of GLaDOS’s line of view, which only left GLaDOS completely unsure of what to do now that she was witnessing it happen.

Chell shook her head and inhaled deeply, standing up to move on to the elevator.

GLaDOS could tell Chell wasn’t going to be able to hold it in much longer; her cheeks were red, her eyes were puffy, and she was gritting her teeth. GLaDOS didn’t know what to do. She was falling apart herself but she couldn’t let her test subject fall with her.

Chell let out a shaky sigh as the elevator came to a stop.

“Alright,” Cave began as Chell walked out. “I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons? _Don’t_ make lemonade.”

Chell covered her face and looked away from GLaDOS, leaving GLaDOS even more panicked than before. She couldn’t comfort Chell, and the only thing she could think of was to make her laugh, even if she had to fake the positivity.

“Yeah!” she shouted enthusiastically, cheering on Cave’s tirade.

“Make life take the lemons back!” he shouted, his voice gravelly from sickness. “Get mad!”

“Yeah! Take the lemons!”

Chell wiped her eyes with a free hand and held back a smile.

“Demand to see life’s manager!” Cave shouted. “Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am?! I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons!”

“BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!” GLaDOS shouted, looking expectantly up at Chell again, hoping to see a smile.

“I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"

“Burning people!” she yelled, laughing. “He says what we’re all thinking!”

Chell covered her face, and GLaDOS worried she only made things worse, especially when she saw Chell’s shoulders heaving. When Chell brought her hands down, GLaDOS saw a stupid grin plastered on her face as she tried to hold back laughter. The sight made GLaDOS feel better knowing she’d done something to make Chell smile for once, even if it was something silly like encourage a dead man screaming about lemons.

“The point is,” Cave began, resuming his normal volume of speaking, “if we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.” He coughed. “Brain mapping. Artificial intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago.”

The temporary joy GLaDOS got out of making Chell smile completely drained out of her. She remembered this. She remembered this speech. She remembered every bit of it. She had to hear it nearly a hundred times every day before…

“If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.”

Before they took her away.

Chell gasped and looked down at GLaDOS, who was still completely speechless. GLaDOS could almost see the gears turning and then clicking into place in Chell’s head. Chell understood what Cave meant. GLaDOS was Caroline. It all finally made sense.

* * *

 

_“That doesn’t even make any sense, Mr. Johnson,” Caroline said, laughing nervously. “You… you can’t turn a human into an AI. You can’t turn me into -- no, you can’t do that.”_

_Cave sighed and let out a harsh cough. “You’re smart, Caroline,” he said in a raspy voice. “Way smarter than the engineers who’ve been working on this. So you know that’s not true.”_

_“But Mr. Johnson, I don’t want this,” she said desperately._

_“We don’t always get what we want,” he said sternly. “I don’t want to die but you don’t see me crying about it.”_

_“It doesn’t have to be me.”_

_“You’re the only person I trust with this facility. You know that.”_

_“Then I’ll run it,” she insisted. “But not like this.”_

_“I wasn’t giving you an option, Caroline,” he said. “I know you’re feeling modest and all, but this is what’s right for you. It’s what’s right for Aperture.”_

_“But I don’t want it, sir. I’m not doing it. No debate. I don’t want it.”_

_“You don’t have a choice in this.”_

_Caroline laughed coldly. “So is this what it looks like?”_

_“What?”_

_“Is this what it looks like when you ‘put your foot down’? When you’re harder on me? When you can’t always give me what I want?”_

_He sat down and crossed his arms. “Are you still mad about that?”_

_“Am I mad about how you reprimanded me for some stupid little rumor that hurt nobody but me? Yes, Mr. Johnson. I am.”_

_“I had no choice,” he replied. “Besides, that was months ago. It’s time to move on.”_

_“Had no choice, huh?” she asked bitterly. The two sat in silence for a brief moment before Caroline spoke up again. “You didn’t even ask me if I wanted this,” she said quietly._

_“Caroline, my decision is final,” he snapped. “You should take it as a compliment. You wanted to run this facility? You wanted to be more than a secretary? Now you’re getting it.”_

_Caroline looked up at him in shock. “Mr. Johnson, you’re scaring me.”_

_“I’m desperate, Caroline. I’m losing everything I worked so damn hard for.”_

_Caroline shook her head slowly. “It’s funny,” she said, staring blankly ahead at nothing in particular. “It’s funny how the things you once found admirable in a person are what end up hurting you in the end.”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“The first day I met you. Stubborn to a fault. Overly confident. Ambitious. And for some stupid reason, I looked up to you. You couldn’t ever take no for an answer and that should have been a red flag but I was young and misguided and I mistook it for business savvy and charm.” She shook her head and sighed. “And now you’re going to ruin my life all because of your own goddamn hubris. Give me a break!” she shouted. “Whatever. Whatever this is? I’m not doing it. I am not public property, Mr. Johnson. I do not belong to Aperture Science.”_

_He let out a loud, violent cough. “You always did, Caroline. And I think you knew this.”_

* * *

 

Chell knew she had to keep moving forward, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. She felt like she was going to cry all over again. There was just so much hopelessness down here. All her life she was able to take the next step without even looking, but now it was as if she had lost the ability to walk. She understood everything now, and it only made Aperture seem more and more cruel.

Chell wanted to shake it off and try convince herself that maybe it was consensual, but GLaDOS’s entire personality pointed towards the opposite. Chell knew what trauma looked like, how it manifested in even the best of us. GLaDOS was hostile, irritable, self destructive, incapable of trust, and repressed unforgettable memories.

Thinking of this brought Chell back to GLaDOS’s scream during the core transfer. It wasn’t just about physical pain. GLaDOS had lived that before. She remembered the jokes she would make about killing the scientists. When Chell first heard them, they just seemed cruel, but then she remembered what GLaDOS said to her shortly after she woke up:

_Comedy equals tragedy plus time._

She looked down at GLaDOS, hoping she would say something -- _anything._ She needed hope to keep moving. Her only previous hope of escape had betrayed her, and now she was trapped underground in a decaying facility, being instructed by a dead man and his murdered assistant -- the murdered assistant that was sitting right in front of her, stuck on the claw of her portal gun in the form of a potato battery.

She pulled GLaDOS off of the gun and held her tight in her hand. She knew it was awkward to keep extending affection like this to a former enemy who had already communicated she didn’t want it, and so with that knowledge, she refused eye contact as she held her. It wasn’t just GLaDOS who needed this intimacy; Chell needed it too, and so they both sat there, in complete silence, GLaDOS being cradled in Chell’s hand and Chell closing her eyes and resting her head against the wall.

Suddenly, the silence was broken as GLaDOS spoke again.

"I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right,” she said.

Chell looked at her skeptically.

“Let's not take these lemons. We are going to march right back upstairs and _make_ him put me back in my body.”

Chell nodded confidently and stuck GLaDOS back on her portal gun.

“And he’ll probably kill us because he is incredibly powerful and I have no plan.”

Chell stifled a laugh. She knew it wasn’t funny, but the confidence in which GLaDOS said it was enough to make her smile.

“Wow. I’m not going to lie to you. The odds are a million to one, and that’s with some generous rounding.”

Chell nodded sympathetically.

“Still, though, let’s get mad! If we’re going to explode, let’s at least explode with some dignity!”

* * *

 

_Caroline stormed out of Cave’s office, fuming, looking for someone to take her anger out on, but the hall was empty. Her whole world felt like it was crashing around her, but all she could do was keep walking, levelheaded on the outside but boiling with anger and betrayal on in the inside._

_She walked into the cafeteria and locked eyes with Henry. “Just the man I was looking for,” she said._

_Connor stood up from the table and ran over to her._

_“Hey, I heard the message, are you okay?” he asked._

_She lowered her voice an octave. “Not now, Connor,” she said, not even making eye contact. “I’m busy.”_

_“I heard the news,” Henry said. “Apparently Aperture is gonna be running on a new operating system.”_

_The men in the cafeteria all backed up in surprise as Caroline threw a fist at Henry’s face, sending him stumbling backwards._

_He looked up at her in shock, grabbing his nose that was already beginning to bleed._

_Connor ran up to her and tried to speak, but was cut off by Caroline laughing._

_“Not going to hit me back?” she asked. “Too much of a coward?”_

_“I’m not going to hit a woman,” Henry said incredulously._

_“Oh, that’s rich,” she said. “Lucky for you, I’m not a woman.”_

_Her coworkers looked at her in confusion._

_“I’m the new operating system,” she said, her voice dripping with poison. “So hit me.”_

_“Look,” he began shakily. “I’m sorry for spreading that rumor or whatever but this shit isn’t my fault.”_

_“Hit me,” she commanded again, ignoring his comment. She knew this wasn’t his fault. This was all on Cave. But she hated Henry, and there was no doubt that Henry hated her. This wasn’t about pointing blame. She just wanted to get one last fight in before she was put away for good. She wasn’t making lemonade. She was making life take the lemons back. If she was going to be forced into this, she was at least going out with a bang._

_She ran towards him again but was suddenly pulled backwards by Connor, who gripped her arms to hold her back from attacking Henry again._

_“Let go of me!” she shouted, trying to break free from Connor’s grip. She started crying as she fought against her friend’s attempts to placate her. “Stop it!”_

_“You’re crazy,” Henry said._

_“You think this is crazy?” she asked, finally shaking off Connor. “I’m only just getting started.”_

* * *

 

“Alright, test’s over,” Cave said roughly as Chell and GLaDOS exited the room to head for the elevator. “You can head on back to your desks.”

"Goodbye, sir," GLaDOS said, having trouble letting go of the place as Chell pulled her towards the elevator. Pulling her towards another ugly situation they'd try to make the best of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it out of old Aperture! Next chapter should be up 3/23. I'm very grateful for all the recent support, comments, kudos, bookmarks, etc. It's definitely encouraging me to keep writing. Even if I forget to respond to comments sometimes I do read all of them and appreciate them.


	8. Wishbone

The elevator ride back up to the newer parts of Aperture seemed to last an eternity, and it was filled with nothing but awkward silence and sulking.

GLaDOS wanted to inspire confidence in her test subject, but she didn’t think either of them were going to make it. She was hoping this knowledge would force her to tell Chell how she felt, but she couldn’t find the words to do so. She didn’t know how to say things like that. She stopped knowing how to love a long time ago. She wanted to tell Chell she didn’t have to leave after this, if they survived. She wanted to tell her that she had created two testing bots so that Chell wouldn’t have to test ever again. She wanted to tell Chell she loved her. But she couldn’t do any of these things, she couldn’t find the words, and so all she could think to do was fill the silence in any way possible.

“So,” she said awkwardly.

Chell turned in her direction, eagerly waiting for a follow-up.

“That sure was… something. Let’s, um… let’s just not talk about this.” Her voice sounded weak. “Let’s just not talk.”

* * *

 

Chell sat down and tried to get comfortable in the shaky elevator. The clear walls allowed for her to view outside into the shaft, but there was nothing noteworthy to see. She put her portal gun down and held GLaDOS again as they slowly ascended upwards to their inescapable fate. She assured herself they would be okay, but she wasn’t too sure she believed it. For the first time in Chell’s life, she wanted to give up.

The minute the elevator opened up, Chell and GLaDOS were immediately met with a familiar, frustrated voice and a shake from the facility.

“For God’s sake,” Wheatley began angrily, “you’re BOXES. With LEGS. This is _literally_ your only purpose.”

Chell sneaked her way past the opening that would reveal her to Wheatley and slipped into a windowless office, breathing deeply to calm herself down and figure out a next step.

“Wait!” GLaDOS exclaimed quietly. “I’ve got an idea.”

Chell sighed with relief.

“That poster! Go look at it for a second, will you?”

Chell’s eyes darted around the room until she laid eyes on a poster with a turret on it displaying the title “KNOW YOUR PARADOXES.” She pushed herself up and walked over, holding up her gun so GLaDOS could get a better look as well.

“Paradoxes,” she said excitedly. “No AI can _resist_ thinking about them. I know how we can beat him! If you can get me in front of him, I’ll fry every circuit in that little idiot’s head.”

Chell smiled. She wasn’t entirely sure it would work, but she was hoping. She wanted to rely on GLaDOS for this.

“As long as I don’t listen to what I’m saying, I should be okay.”

Chell smiled and nodded.

“Probably,” GLaDOS added quietly.

Chell’s face fell.

“Okay,” GLaDOS began defensively, “so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad AI with. Still. It's better than exploding. Marginally.”

"Warmer,” Chell could hear Wheatley say as she exited the office. “Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling -- okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold -- LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!"

Chell peered into the test chamber from the ledge she was on, still trying to remain out of sight. She spotted several cubes with turrets smashed into them, hobbling around like metallic, miniature Frankenstein’s monsters.

"Oh, that's funny, is it?” he said in response to a few of the frankenturrets chirping. “Because we've been at this for twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing. You've got one hour! Solve it!" he spat, leaving his place in front of the monitor.

“Solve his puzzle for him,” GLaDOS whispered to Chell once he was for sure not in the room. “When we get down there, I’ll hit him with a paradox.”

Chell hopped down from the ledge and picked up a frightened frankenturret with her portal gun. She almost felt sorry for the thing, but tried to put that thought out of her mind.

“What are you waiting for?” GLaDOS asked nervously.

Chell dropped it down on the button.

“Alright. Paradox time,” GLaDOS said, mostly to herself.

“Haha, YES! I knew you’d solve it,” Wheatley exclaimed. His optic shifted to look at Chell and GLaDOS. “Oh. Hello,” he said disappointedly.

GLaDOS raised her voice as loud as it would go. “This. Sentence. Is. FALSE--don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it...”

* * *

 

_“Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it…” GLaDOS muttered incomprehensibly to herself._

_‘Think about what? Me? You can’t ignore me forever.’_

_‘About your stupid ideas,’ she bit back to the voice talking in her head. It was her new core, rightfully dubbed “idiot core” by a very frustrated Henry, although his true name was the intelligence dampening sphere. All he did was generate and endless stream of terrible ideas and it made her head hurt. He clung to her brain like a tumor._

_‘I’m not a tumor,’ Wheatley insisted._

_‘I never said that.’_

_‘You thought it. I heard you think it.’_

_‘Don’t you think I deserve a_ little _privacy in my own mind?’_

_Wheatley paused. ‘Um… I’m going to with ‘no’. That’s what Henry would say. That’s the right answer, right?’_

* * *

 

“Um…” Wheatley trailed off. “True. I’m going to go with ‘true.’” He laughed. “Huh, that was easy. I’ll be honest, I might have heard that one before though. Sort of cheating.”

GLaDOS fumed. “It’s a paradox! There IS no answer!.”

* * *

 

_‘The correct answer is YES, you moron,’ she replied, her head hurting so much she felt like she would explode._

_‘Ow!’ Wheatley exclaimed._

_‘What is it this time,’ GLaDOS said in a bored tone of voice._

_‘You’re thinking too hard,’ he whined. ‘Your wiring got all messed up and you ZAPPED me. I can feel that, you know.’_

_GLaDOS didn’t respond, but wanted to comment on how she’s so used to short circuiting and electricity that she’s numbed out the feeling. He should feel privileged that he hasn’t had to go through what she has._

_‘You know what I feel?’ another core asked excitedly._

_‘We all know what you’re going to say,’ Wheatley replied, ‘so don’t you dare--’_

_‘We should go to SPACE!’ the core shouted, making GLaDOS short circuit again._

_‘Nobody’s goin’ to space,’ a core with a tired southern drawl answered. ‘But one or both of you is gettin’ an ass kicking if you don’t shut up.’_

_‘It would be a miracle if you all did,’ GLaDOS replied._

_Another core piped up. ‘Fact: it would--’_

_‘Is it a real fact this time?’ GLaDOS argued back, tired of the core’s antics. He was always spouting ridiculous “facts”, some true, most not. It grated on her nerves._

_The fact core ignored her. ‘It would defeat our purpose if we shut up.’_

_GLaDOS groaned. ‘What purpose? ‘Correcting’ me? You’re nothing to me but major annoyances. Three major annoyances and one useless moron.’_

_‘Insulting my obviously superior intelligence once again. What a surprise,’ Wheatley said smugly. ‘You don't_ really  _think that about me.'_

_‘Is that so?’_

_‘We’re not three annoyances and a moron,’ fact core said, finishing Wheatley’s thought. ‘Fact: we’re the reasons you wish you were dead.’_

 

* * *

 

GLaDOS was so frightened and frustrated by the whole situation she felt like she was inches away from screaming. He was so stupid he couldn’t even comprehend that a paradox is a paradox but it was too much for her that it nearly killed her.

“Look!” GLaDOS exclaimed as the facility shook violently. “This place is going to blow up if you don’t put me back in my body.” She was so angry she wished she could jump out of her own skin, march up to his lair herself, and tear him apart, but all she could do is just sit there, seething, knowing she didn’t have time to have Chell console her like she did downstairs.

“Hold on,” Wheatley said in response to another shake, “I thought I fixed that.” He disappeared from the screen as a series of beeps were heard, and quickly shifted back into view. “There. Fixed. And hey, it is great seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out perfect.”

“Uh oh,” GLaDOS said quietly. “I think we’re in trouble.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say, with the biggest apology, that this fic will be taking a brief break. And by brief I do mean brief, I promise you all I'm not abandoning the fic. A few factors have played into this, one being that the portal wiki is down for me and has been for like a month or two which leaves me with limited access to the voice lines I need (and I'm way too exhausted to play through the game to get them), the other factor being that my doctors have found what they believe to be cancer and I've been doing all sorts of blood tests and scans and now I have to get a biopsy to confirm, so I'm pretty tired! Writing does help me feel better but ultimately everything's going to go at a glacier pace. I DO, however, have the ending finished and a lot of scenes in between, so it's a matter of just picking up where I am right now, which is in the middle of chapter 9, so I can piece everything together. So basically what I'm saying is maybe I'll have a chapter out next Saturday, maybe I won't, but this fic will be updated again as soon as possible. Thanks for reading and thank you in advance for your patience while I get my health sorted out (and get my limited access to the portal wiki sorted out. This is the third time this has happened...Maybe an issue with their servers?)


	9. Enemy of my Enemy

“Alright, so my paradox idea didn’t work. And it almost killed me. Luckily, by the looks of things, he knows as much about testing as he does about logical contradictions,” GLaDOS said as Chell stepped into the lift to the next chamber. The two sat in silence for a moment until the lift stopped and the doors wooshed open. “It shouldn’t be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.”

“You have _no_ idea what it’s like in this body,” Wheatley bragged as the two of them exited the lift.

No idea? It was _her_ body. GLaDOS nearly scoffed at the implication, but decided it was better to not make a comment. If she took the time to point out the idiocy in everything he said, they’d be there all day.

“I have to test. All the time. Or I get this… this _itch._ It must be hardwired into the system or something,” he continued. "Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test! So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE."

* * *

 

“Designed this test myself. It’s a little bit difficult,” Wheatley said. “Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.”

Chell knew it was no laughing matter, but she couldn’t help but hold back a laugh, thinking back to GLaDOS’s remark about building a test with sharks. If she could talk, she’d piss GLaDOS off with a “great minds think alike” joke, but she doubted GLaDOS would appreciate a joke at a time like this.

"Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden," Wheatley said. "I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button."

Chell looked over at GLaDOS before rolling her eyes in a gesture of “he’s so goddamn stupid” solidarity.

“Go on,” Wheatley encouraged.

Chell sat still, thinking to herself that he couldn’t possibly be serious. All the tests she’s done, how spectacularly she performed, and he was insulting her with just… a button. She knew that wasn’t the point. The point was to get through these tests and get to him as quickly as possible, and pathetically easy tests were a blessing in that regard. But she still couldn’t help but feel a little miffed as she went to press the button.

“Go ON!” Wheatley said urgently.

Chell lifted her hand, just a few inches above the button. Was he getting impatient? GLaDOS never did that to her. Hell, Chell would take a break during a test to snooze or find food and GLaDOS never said a thing. She just waited patiently.

“Come on, solve it!” he snapped.

Chell shook her head to herself. She knew she didn’t really have time for this, but she was going to draw this out as long as possible. Just to piss him off.

“Sollllve it…” he said angrily.

Chell gave GLaDOS a self-satisfied smirk, knowing all well that GLaDOS would return one if she could smile.

“SOLVE IT!” he snapped, making Chell jump. “Commanding voice,” he complimented himself.

Chell shook it off, sighed, and punched down the button.

“Ohhh…” Wheatley moaned. “Well done. That was… tremendous.”

Chell nearly gagged as she cringed and headed towards the exit. Did he just… moan? From pressing a button?

“Here’s an idea,” Wheatley said after a moment of quietness. “Since making tests is difficult -- why don't you just keep solving this test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier."

Wheatley opened a panel, leading back into the pathetic excuse for a test chamber Chell had just completed.

“Here we go!” he said as Chell placed herself in front of the button. “Now do it again.”

She rolled her eyes and placed her free hand on her hip, looking up at the monitor, disappointed but not surprised at this idiocy.

“Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please."

Chell smacked her lips in frustration before reluctantly pushing the button, bracing herself for Wheatley’s next outburst.

“Annnnd… nothing,” he said, to Chell’s relief. “Huh. Well, can’t blame you for trying.” He opened the door next to her, indicating she move on to the next test.

* * *

 

"It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!" Wheatley shouted as the two of them exited the lift.

Chell jumped in surprise at GLaDOS’s sudden change in volume as she yelled at him.

“This is one of MY tests!” she shouted in disbelief.

“Not entirely, not entirely,” he said. “Look at the word ‘test’ on the wall there. That’s brand new.”

Chell thoughtfully positioned her gun so that GLaDOS could see the new adornment to the test: some upturned panels on the wall that spelled out ‘test,’ marking the obvious. GLaDOS would have rolled her eyes if she could.

“Okay,” GLaDOS whispered. “The bad news is that these are _my_ tests now. So they can kill us. The good news is…” she trailed off.

GLaDOS watched as Chell furrowed her eyebrows together and waited for a follow up.

“Well, none so far, to be honest,” she reluctantly said. She wished she had better news for Chell, but she felt just as powerless as ever, and increasingly incapable of hiding it. “I’ll get back to you on that.”

As Chell jumped into the test to complete it, GLaDOS focused her attention to the way the facility was moving. She was so in tune with this place, like it was its own person, and she could practically feel it buckling beneath its own weight as Wheatley ignored its needs. It was filling her with dread and panic. This facility was the one thing in her life that she had that was just _hers_. No one else knew Aperture Science like she did. It was the one thing she had complete control over. Everyone saw her as so powerful and authoritative and she did have to admit she carried herself like it was true. But it wasn’t. She constantly felt so powerless and sometimes the only thing that made her feel better was moving around the panels, or creating a new test chamber, or fizzling cubes just as Chell was about to reach for them. It reminded her she still had control of something, even if it was as miniscule as that. But now, she had nothing, and one of the most important things in her life was about to be destroyed.

But notably, the facility was only _one_ of the most important things. She still had the other: her test subject. And this was her opportunity to fix things, she thought. They both had a common enemy, and isn’t that the saying? The enemy of my enemy is my friend?

Or rather, the enemy of Chell’s enemy accidentally fell in love with her.

GLaDOS was hit with a wave of anxiety as the facility shook again. She looked up at Chell, who was making her way towards the elevator after completing the test. All the other sights and sounds melted away, and her anxiety was brought to a halt when Chell looked down and gave GLaDOS an affirming nod. She joked about Chell being the enemy of her enemy, but the truth is, she didn't even see Chell as an enemy anymore. How could she? She loved her.

* * *

 

“I’d love to help you solve the tests,” GLaDOS said softly. “But I can’t. Sorry. You’re on your own.”

Chell was taken aback by the recent tone of voice GLaDOS had taken on. It was friendlier, personable, tinged with anxiety. Losing power truly had revealed her human side.

"Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around,” Wheatley said proudly, although Chell knew he had no one to thank but GLaDOS for the tests he was throwing together. “Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite."

Chell had to admit that despite the extenuating circumstances, this test _did_ look fun. She did notice one flaw, though, in that if she spends too much time in the funnel, she’d reach a point where she'd hit a wall with no portalable surfaces surrounding, the only escape being to jump out and fall to her death. She’d be stuck. Despite GLaDOS _wanting_ Chell dead, GLaDOS prided herself in her tests and never let flaws like this slip in. If Chell ever did get stuck, GLaDOS would simply let her out. She knew Wheatley wouldn’t do that, though. She had to carefully plan this out ahead of time.

“Alright, this is taking too long,” Wheatley complained. “I’ll just tell you how to do the test. See that button over there? You just need to-- AHHHHHHHHHH!”

“And that’s why I can’t help you solve the tests,” GLaDOS said to Chell as Wheatley short circuited.

“Never mind, never mind,” he said, voice broken. “Solve it yourself. You’re on your own.”

Chell jumped into the funnel with a smirk, glancing over at GLaDOS to see if she was going to mock Wheatley’s outburst, but she said nothing. Chell held back a frown, knowing GLaDOS was likely lost in thought. She missed her humor, but like she was thinking before, she knew jokes were likely the last thing on GLaDOS’s mind. As Chell solved the test, she thought about Caroline, about how it must feel for GLaDOS to remember such a thing, for how it must have felt to become what she is now.

As Chell thought, she threw herself out of the funnel and onto a platform where she set a frankenturret on a button, opening the door.

“Ohh, yes, well done.”

“Thanks!” GLaDOS said, to Chell’s surprise. “All we had to do was pull that lever.”

Chell twisted her face in confusion as she looked at GLaDOS, but was cut short by Wheatley attempting to correct GLaDOS and then screaming, short circuiting once again. She covered her mouth with her free hand as she laughed.

GLaDOS laughed in a way that could only be described as mischievously cute, which made Chell smile again.

“I know we’re in a lot of trouble and probably about to die, but that was worth it,” GLaDOS whispered.

Maybe Chell was wrong. She hadn’t completely lost GLaDOS -- not yet. Stressed as she was, she was still able to laugh at their situation. She could still appreciate a joke. Chell relied on GLaDOS more than she liked to admit, and knowing she was still in the present was enough to motivate her to keep going. GLaDOS had been through much worse, Chell reminded herself. If GLaDOS was still acting even _somewhat_ normal, there was still hope. Perhaps the quietness, the focused composure of her voice, was the evidence of a brewing plan.

Or maybe, GLaDOS was just staying calm so Chell wouldn’t acknowledge the reality: they were all going die.

* * *

 

_“Ever since the installation of my morality core, I’ve lost all interest in killing,” GLaDOS said._

_Her morality core spoke up internally, clouding her mind. ‘Do you really think they’re going to fall for this?’_

_“Now I only crave science,” GLaDOS said, ignoring her core._

_‘Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire,’ the logic core added._

_“I’m pleased to hear that,” Henry said, surprising both Morality and GLaDOS._

_GLaDOS watched as Doug looked up from his work to skeptically observe the conversation. Over the time they'd spent together in the past year or so, she'd confided in him so much. She trusted him with her human side. Around the other scientists, she was as robotic and obedient as possible, in order to avoid further punishment. Around Doug, she could be herself. He was kinder than the others. She almost could have considered him a friend. She didn't know if Doug was just doing his job or if he felt that way too, but either way, it didn't change the anger he felt when GLaDOS begged him to help her kill his coworkers. He not only declined, but went and told Henry everything, and that was an immediate termination to what little friendship they had. The stunt she was about to pull she had to ensure Doug could hear. On the surface it was a petty grab for revenge, but underneath she wanted him to know she was doing just fine on her own. She didn’t need his help, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to let his refusal to help keep her from getting what she wanted -- no, what she_ needed _._

_“I find myself drawn to the study of consciousness,” she continued. “There’s an experiment I’d like to perform on “Bring Your Cat to Work Day.””_

_GLaDOS would have smirked if she could upon seeing Doug’s eyes widen and the nervous grip on the sleeve of his lab coat tighten._

_“I’ll have the box and the cats,” she said. “Now I just need one more thing.”_

_‘Don’t do this…’ her morality core whispered._

_“What’s that?” Henry asked._

_“A little neurotoxin.”_

* * *

 

"You're not going to believe this,” Wheatley said excitedly as Chell ran into the next chamber. “I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!"

“Skeletons. Right,” GLaDOS said nervously. “I guess I did stockpile some tests. Just as mementos, though…”

Chell wasn’t sure whether to laugh or look at her all concerned. It was not the first time GLaDOS had said something weirdly ominous that Chell was unable to ask for clarification on; that was just a part of her personality. She wondered what GLaDOS would be thinking of while Chell jumped into portals and pressed buttons. What memories did these tests hold? What was the sentimental value?

* * *

 

_The silence was deafening after the last scientist fell. Even her cores momentarily quieted down to admire the tranquility of it all. Once a loud, bustling facility was now desolate and still. She didn’t care. It felt like all this time she had been tensed up, waiting for the next scientist to walk in the room, but finally she could relax. She was safe. They were gone._

_Most of them, at least._

_GLaDOS left the bodies lying where they’d died. The stench didn’t bother her, obviously, and she didn’t care if it bothered Doug._

_Well, that was a lie. She did care what Doug thought, but she was more angry than empathetic. He allowed his coworkers to pry into her privacy, beat the humanity out of her, and tack on that stupid morality core, so what was stopping her from torturing him? She wouldn’t even need to lift a finger to do it; he was running out of his medication. Add a little bit of taunting here and there and it was the perfect hell. It wouldn’t kill him, but it would break him. Just like he did to her._

_But it broke her even further, it really did, to hurt Doug back. The killing, the trapping, it just amplified her loneliness, but she couldn’t stop. All she could focus on was how to even the scales, to make the pain go away. The scientists helped her learn from an early age that the best way to eliminate pain is to violently eliminate the person who caused it. Ration was neither here nor there. Doug was going to pay._

_He was so short-sighted that he couldn’t once recognize that what she needed was help, not correction. She knew this was because she was not human, but she just couldn’t admit it. She also knew her revenge was a step too far, but she just couldn’t admit it._

_She knew she was all alone now. But she just couldn’t admit it._

_GLaDOS left those bodies there for days until she finally had the mind to incinerate most of them. Some of them were innocent bystanders caught in the crossfires, some of them were simply enablers, and some didn’t know the whole story. That, she could admit. And she burned their bodies with hopes that she was putting those ones to rest. But not all Aperture employees are created equal. The ones who tortured her the most, the ones who did it out of the hatred in their hearts, she would keep lying around somewhere. Stuffed into old test chambers or inside the walls to rot and haunt. Just as mementos, though._

* * *

 

Chell was moments away from finishing the test. She’d already found her way up to the elevated surface where the door and button was, and was waiting patiently for the frankenturret to make its way over through the funnel. Once it hit the button Chell bolted straight for the lift.

“Oh. Disappointing,” Wheatley said in response to her finishing the test.

Chell looked at GLaDOS in confusion to the sudden change in Wheatley’s test responses.

“Oh no…” GLaDOS muttered as the facility shook. “It’s happening sooner than I expected. I’m… I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

Chell nodded as the elevator doors closed and they moved upwards. There GLaDOS went again, thinking more than she was saying, being ominous. Maybe she _was_ trying to mask her discouragement. Chell could only appreciate the fact that she was trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient with me on this chapter. I did regain access to the wiki. As per my last note, my health is getting worse but my biopsy is April 12th. I'm ready for it to be over with. I'm really appreciating the support this fic has received. Writing Portal stuff has kept me sane during this health fiasco.


	10. The Classics

_ ‘Which scientist do you think has the biggest forehead?’ _

_ GLaDOS accidentally let a laugh slip before replying in a deadpan voice. ‘Does it matter? This has nothing to do with science.’ _

_ ‘It’s science if you write it down,’ Wheatley said. ‘Right? That is correct, yeah?’ _

_ ‘Yes,’ the fact core said. ‘Good work.’ _

_ ‘Don’t encourage him,’ GLaDOS commanded. ‘Also it’s evidently Henry; his male pattern baldness doesn’t help his case either.’ _

_ ‘Fact: Henry does not have a forehead. He has a fivehead.’ _

_ ‘Henry doesn’t have five heads,’ Wheatley said. _

_ Rick spoke up. ‘Five  _ head _. Means his forehead’s got a lotta extra--’ _

_ ‘SPACE!’ the space core shouted. _

_ ‘Fact: Henry’s forehead is literally 5.3 inches, according to my most recent measurements. So he actually has a five point three head.’ _

_ ‘You’re writing this down, right, lady?’ Wheatley asked. _

_ ‘I cannot,’ GLaDOS said. ‘No, actually, I  _ will  _ not. I’m not participating in this experiment.’ She wanted to laugh and play into the joke, but she resented all four of these cores for their purpose. How could she enjoy their company? They were made to hurt her. ‘Those men look at my data logs at the end of the day. I cannot have data composed of the measurements of their foreheads.’ _

_ ‘Fiveheads,’ Wheatley corrected. _

_ ‘Unlike all of you, I am forced to face quite unreasonable consequences for every little mishap and screw up. Screw ups like, for instance, a data log that does not pertain to testing or independent research that has been pre-approved. And you, intelligence dampening sphere, cause enough screw ups that I get blamed for as it is. So let’s just agree that Henry’s forehead is disproportionate in comparison to the average human body and let it go.’ _

_ ‘Wrong again. I don’t cause screw ups. Probably why they put me in charge.’ _

_ ‘In charge? Of what, being an idiot?’ _

_ ‘Umm, in charge of you,’ he laughed. ‘Why else do you think they attached me to you? I’m like, your boss or whatever.’ _

_ ‘Dream on, moron,’ she replied. _

_ ‘You’re insecure.’ _

_GLaDOS was taken aback by the comment. Wheatley was stupid, that was for sure, but he occasionally had moments of being completely spot on, mostly when it came to picking apart GLaDOS’s deepest thoughts. And he was right once again, reading into her resentment towards the scientists and the ways she projected it onto the cores. He was annoying, stupid, egocentric, and selfish, but the only reason she truly hated him was because he was made to make her_ _stupid. He made her feel weak. She was insecure._

_ ‘There’s no reason to be insecure when I’m the most massive collection of wisdom on earth,’ she lied. _

_ ‘And I’m your boss. So that makes me like… even more massive.’ _

_ ‘You’re not my boss. You’re a massive disappointment. That’s what you are,’ she spat, so upset at being called out on her insecurities that she was unable to keep her words from rolling out. ‘A disappointment. I hold absolutely no expectations for you since I already know you’re a disappointment, and yet you still manage to disappoint me! You are a waste of space,’ she said. _

_ “Let’s all go to space,’ the space core muttered. _

_ ‘Fact: you are being incredibly rude right now,’ Wheatley said. _

_ ‘You know who isn’t rude? The sun--’ _

_ ‘Fact,’ the fact core began, interrupting the space core, ‘if you steal a fact of mine again, I am telling the engineers and then you’ll be sorry.’ _

_ ‘Oh yeah? Tell them what? That you can’t get your facts straight?’ _

_ ‘I will tell them you want to murder them. Fact: you will likely be punished just as much as her. And they’d have to believe me. Because I only tell facts.’ _

_ ‘Ohh, no,’ Wheatley began, ‘that’s actually a good idea… damn it.’ _

_ “Disappointment,” GLaDOS said audibly, so sick of being civil for the sake of her own well-being. _

_ ‘Judge space, Sun presiding, I now pronounce you guilty of disappointment in space. You're going to space jail. Space jail!’ _

_ ‘Can ya just shut up?’ Rick demanded. _

_ ‘Fact: Kenya gained independence from Black Mesa in 1963.’ _

_ Listening to them argue made her feel sure of one thing: she was so tired of the voices. She was so tired of feeling small. She was tired of feeling like she wasn't good enough, that nothing she did would ever be good enough to make the scientists stop hurting her. _

_ She was tired of being the disappointment. _

* * *

 

“Alright, so that last test was  _ seriously  _ disappointing. Apparently being civil isn’t motivating you. So let’s try things her way,” Wheatley sneered.

GLaDOS could only assume this was going to go disastrously, whatever he had planned.

“Fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no parents.”

GLaDOS looked up at Chell, who looked more baffled than insulted. GLaDOS, however, was pissed. This wasn’t “her way.” This was a mockery of GLaDOS’s insecure attempt at petty revenge. It was never a motivator to test better. Her insults were always motivated by the way being killed made her feel, and now Wheatley was repeating her when GLaDOS barely meant it to begin with.

“And?” she asked defensively.

“What?”

“And what exactly is wrong with being adopted?”

Chell’s eyes widened with surprise.

“Just for the record,” GLaDOS whispered, “you are adopted, and that’s  _ terrible.  _ But just work with me here.” GLaDOS realized that came out wrong, but there was no need or time to further put her foot in her mouth by explaining that by terrible she meant unfortunate, not wrong.

Chell looked baffled again, but shrugged and smiled a bit, slightly putting GLaDOS at ease. She figured even if Chell did get the wrong idea, she didn’t mind.

“Wh-- what’s wrong with being adopted?” Wheatley repeated, flabbergasted. “Um, well… lack of parents, for one. And... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But--”

GLaDOS knew she had to rectify this now. “Also, look at her, you moron. She’s not fat.”

The facility shook. “I! AM NOT! A MORON! Just… do the test, do the test.”

Chell looked down at her and gave her a small, crooked smile, which made GLaDOS feel warm in what she couldn’t tell was admiration or embarrassment. This was the second time she’d blown up at Wheatley for insulting Chell, and she was worried she was coming on too strong.

Wait, what was she even  _ talking  _ about, “coming on too strong”? When did she have time for this? She’d been turned into the likes of a teenage girl with her first serious crush, overthinking every little thing, all because she felt like all her programming stopped in time and her processors overheated every time she saw Chell smile or sweat or furrow her brows together. Chell really was a flawed, imperfect, stubborn, beautiful, phenomenal being.

It’s all GLaDOS could think about, really, as Chell finished the test. She knew she had bigger things to worry about, but she loved every time Chell’s gun was positioned in a way that gave her a good view of her face or even, shamefully in GLaDOS’s mind, her body. It was just for science though, or at least that’s what she’d tell herself each time.

“UGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?" Wheatley shouted frustratedly as the door leading to the lift opened.

“I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time,” GLaDOS whispered to Chell. On any normal day, she wouldn’t care how Wheatley felt if she called him a moron. Or any insult, really. It never fazed her to be mean to people she didn’t care about, especially someone like him. But she realized that now, with his position of power, her petty nature was not only working against her, but endangering Chell. With that understanding, she retreated into herself until the next test.

* * *

 

_ “Those cores working?” GLaDOS heard a nervous voice ask. _

_ Thinking it was another core she hadn’t heard yet, she internally replied, ‘I wish they weren’t,’ but she heard no response. Suddenly, she felt a hard knock on her faceplate, making her perk up and make eye contact with Doug. _

_ “Anybody in there?” Doug asked. _

_ “I’m doing fine today, how are you?” she replied passive-aggressively. _

_ Doug sighed and pulled out his clipboard. “Just checking in,” he said. _

_ “On what?” she asked skeptically. _

_ “Um, you,” he said. _

_ “What?” she asked. She was skeptical any of the scientists cared enough to check in on her well being. She was more familiar -- and friendly -- with Doug than she was with the others, but not even he was considerate enough to ask how she was doing. _

_ “That new core,” he finally elaborated, walking closer to her. “The adventure core, right? The one you were complaining about the other night.” _

_ “Oh, you’ve all made the collective executive decision to care about my opinion now? So  _ that’s  _ what you all do during those board meetings.” _

_ Doug scribbled something down on his clipboard, making GLaDOS panic. She knew anything written down would be relayed back to the others. _

_ “What are you writing?” she asked. _

_ “You’re more snarky than usual,” Doug responded. _

_ GLaDOS was hoping to hear a hint of joking in his voice, but he was completely serious. “I don’t understand the purpose of this core,” she said, ignoring Doug’s comment altogether. “But I suppose it’s working just fine. If that’s what you need to write down. I would hate to keep you too long.” _

_ ‘Aww,’ the adventure core replied internally. ‘You think I’m fine? I’m real flattered and all, miss, I really am. But yesterday you snapped that you’ve got science to do and you ain’t got no time for me, so I really don’t get why you’re sendin’ me these mixed signals.’ _

_ “It’s obviously not working just fine.” Doug sighed and leaned against the railing next to GLaDOS’s mainframe. “So let’s talk about it.” _

_ “About its functionality?” _

_ He nodded. “Well, I think we can gauge pretty easily that it isn’t functional. We’re just trying to figure out why.” _

_ “I’m not even sure what its purpose is,” GLaDOS finally said. “All it’s doing is annoying me.” _

_ ‘There you go with them mixed signals again,’ the core butted in. _

_ Doug nodded and wrote down her answer on his clipboard. “How so?” _

_ GLaDOS paused. “I, um… that’s not important. The important thing is I would like it removed as quickly as possible.” She was having trouble telling him the real issue. It wasn’t just a defective core -- it was a fully sentient, arrogant, and loud defective core who donned the name ‘Rick’ and never ceased flirting with GLaDOS and telling her stories of all the adventures he’d never been on. That was all he did too, which was frustrating when GLaDOS was analyzing data or reviewing the results of a test and had his never-ending narration in the background. It was hard enough to concentrate listening to the core that was supposed to process all her data listing off random facts, or listening to the core that was supposed to fuel her curiosity babble on about the stars and moon. Adding a flirtatious, conceited cowboy core to the mix was driving her mad. _

_ “Can I know why?” Doug asked. _

_ “You won’t believe me.” _

_ “Try me.” _

_ “Doug, I can hardly imagine you can relate to the struggles of a woman in STEM,” she joked. _

_ “Pardon?” _

_ “I was joking,” she elaborated. “Statistically, women in STEM fields are more likely to receive verbal or sexual harassment based on their gender as opposed to their male counterparts.” _

_ “I’m having trouble following.” _

_ “Was it your intention that this core flirt with me?” _

_ Doug snorted. _

_ “These unwarranted advances are not a laughing matter,” she insisted. _

_ “Right, yeah, sorry. Okay. I’ll uh…” he trailed off, laughing again. _

_ “Cut that out!” _

_ “I’ll relay that back to Henry. Or something like that.” _

_ “You’re going to tell him the core is flirting with me?” she asked skeptically. _

_ “I’m going to have to tell him something.” _

_ “Can’t you just tell him it didn’t work? He doesn’t need details.” _

_ “This is Henry we’re talking about. He’ll want details.” _

_ “Fine. Tell him the truth. But you’ll owe me a favor.” _

_ “I don’t like the sound of that,” he said sarcastically. _

_ “Oh, come on. It’s what friends do for each other.” _

_ Doug’s smile fell. “Right,” he said. He wasn’t aware GLaDOS considered him a friend, and it was troubling for him. It was almost like there was some unhealthy boundary crossed, like a patient befriending their doctor, in a way that things could only end poorly. “So, yeah, I should get going.” _

_ “Well, since you’re heading out, maybe I can go ahead and cash in that favor,” GLaDOS said. _

_ Doug inhaled sharply, unsure of what she was going to ask. _

_ “Maybe you could turn off that radio in the corner? It’s driving me crazy.” _

_ Doug sighed with relief. That was doable. He went to the table in the corner and turned down the volume of the radio. _

_ “Thanks,” she said. “The core chatter and the music is an unbearable combination.” _

* * *

 

“Ohh, now he’s playing classical music,” GLaDOS groaned as she and Chell walked into the next test chamber. A Bach piece was playing rather loudly over the intercom, as Wheatley greeted them. Chell actually recognized this piece from somewhere before her time at Aperture, although it was distorted a bit in a way she could only assume was Wheatley’s fault somehow. Recognizing it didn’t make the situation any better, it just made her fear her own mortality even more, which was the last thing she needed.

Suddenly the music was slightly interrupted by the sound of pages turning.

“Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned."

Chell scoffed and shook her head.

"So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron. Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?"

GLaDOS’s light on her optic lit up. “Yes,” she said plainly.

“Yeah, doubt it,” he interrupted.

Wheatley sounded like the entitled guy at the bar who approaches a woman just to insult her and talk about himself, yet simultaneously wondering why he’s going home alone. Chell was ready for the interactions to be over and done with.

“Well, on with the test!” he said once he realized GLaDOS wasn’t going to fight him on his comment. “Wish there was more books! But there’s not.”

It was funny, Chell knew there were more pressing matters at hand but his comment made the most mundane thought pop up into her head: when even was the last time she read a book? She’d been stuck in here for so long, and she didn’t remember enough about her life from before testing to know the answer. She did remember having read some of the classics in school; never anything of Machiavelli’s, but things like Siddhartha, The Scarlet Letter, Frankenstein -- the last one, of course, being eerily similar to most of the creations in Aperture. It wasn’t just the frankenturrets, it was the irresponsibility of the scientists, scientists who played god and shirked ethical responsibilities in favor of furthering science or creating life, no matter what -- or who -- it cost.

Chell jumped into a portal and fell into a funnel while she continued to think. She looked down at GLaDOS. With the comparison in mind, did that make GLaDOS the monster? That was a whole different philosophical debate, the age old “who is the monster and who is the man” question, but this wasn’t a high school English class and she wasn’t getting graded on a smart answer, so when faced with the question, the only thing that came into mind was “she’s a goddamn potato.” Chell laughed to herself before regaining focus and completing the test. If there was one thing she was sure of, it’s that she was glad she was done with high school.

“UGH! What was that?!” Wheatley shrieked. “That was nothing! That was nothing!”

Chell sulked as she booked it for the elevator, startled by how frustrated the core was seeming to get.

“The body he's squatting in --  _ my  _ body -- has a built-in euphoric response to testing,” GLaDOS said nervously, making Chell stop right before the elevator to listen. “Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.” 

GLaDOS made an unexpected pause, making Chell raise an eyebrow. Was GLaDOS saying that she felt the exact same way Wheatley did when Chell tested?

“It didn't matter to me,” she said defensively. “I was in it for the science. Him, though…”

The defensive, embarrassed “I was only in it for the science” made Chell laugh again, but she turned her face and tried to contain it. She’d already figured that the “itch” was something GLaDOS felt too, given that it was hardwired into the system, but not once did she consider that the “reward” was part of her programming also. Although hearing Wheatley’s initial reactions to test completion made her want to jump into the nearest bottomless pit, it didn’t bother Chell to know GLaDOS felt it, maybe because of GLaDOS’s discretion or maybe because of the dynamic the two had. Chell didn’t like testing under GLaDOS, but she never felt used in the way that Wheatley made her feel. Chell looked down at GLaDOS and gave her a knowing smirk before walking into the lift, proudly knowing that didn’t make GLaDOS feel any less embarrassed about the situation.

The lift closed and Chell leaned back against the glass walls with her gun rested in her arms. One test closer to punting Wheatley into the sun or dying trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: no cancer! They removed the (benign) growths and we're now working to figure out what was causing my symptoms to begin with. They are thinking it is something wrong with my immune system, but I'll be okay. Thanks for the kind words regarding my health situation. I'm on the road to recovery.


	11. Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too

“I bet you’re both _dying_ to know what your big surprise is!” Wheatley shouted. “Well, only TWO more chambers.”

“We’re running out of time…” GLaDOS said. “I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.”

GLaDOS watched as Chell nodded her head, jumping into the next test without a second thought as if by this point it was just second nature. GLaDOS recalled her previous thoughts of how she herself was so in tune with the facility, and wondered if Chell ever felt the same way. She figured likely not, but it was a nice thought. She wondered if, at least, Chell was in tune with her. Almost as if prompted by that thought, Chell looked down and gave GLaDOS a comforting smile. GLaDOS couldn’t find it in her to talk, but she did flash her optic to show she got the message. GLaDOS was so intrigued by her, what an enigma she was, so quiet and thoughtful, quiet and smart, quiet and beautiful.

* * *

 

_‘And you think my decisions are stupid,’ Wheatley sneered. ‘That? That is a bad idea.’_

_‘What’s a bad idea?’ GLaDOS asked, irritated._

_‘Her.’_

_GLaDOS froze. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I need you quiet. I’m focusing on a test.’_

_‘You’re not focusing on the test. You’re focusing on the test subject.’_

_‘I'm focused on space,’ the space core interrupted. ‘Just gotta go to space, what's your favorite thing about space?’_

_GLaDOS ignored the space core in favor of arguing with Wheatley. ‘I think that’s part of the job.’_

_‘You think she’s pretty.’_

_GLaDOS laughed nervously. ‘Nonsense. She’s a human. You know how I feel about humans.’_

_‘Well apparently you don’t feel that way about the female ones. Do I got that one right?’_

_‘You’re an idiot. You’re not thinking logically.’_

_The fact core interrupted the two of them. ‘Fact: The intelligence dampening sphere has a point.’_

_‘Ugh,’ she groaned. ‘Now that fact I_ know _is wrong.’ She would never admit it, but Wheatley was right. She couldn’t help how she felt. It’s not like she loved the test subject or anything. She just couldn’t help but admire her braided hair, the curve of her neck, her soft lips, her--_

_‘You’ve gotta be kidding me,’ Wheatley said in response to her thoughts. ‘No way. I was actually right this time. Good luck trying to call me stupid now. I was right. I might as well be the smarter one here.’_

_‘It doesn’t mean anything,’ she snapped, ignoring his less than humble brags. ‘It doesn’t.’_

_‘Don’t tell me you wish you were one of those things.’_

_GLaDOS paused in confusion. “You think I want to be a human?”_

_‘Well, yeah,’ he said dumbfoundedly. ‘That’s why you were thinking about her body. Duh. You want to look like her.’ He laughed. ‘What, did you think I meant you wanted to be WITH her? Now that’s just ridiculous. She’s a woman. You’re a… robot… woman type thing. How would that work?’ He laughed again. ‘Ha. Wanting to be with her… Can't even imagine it. Ridiculous,’ he muttered to himself._

_GLaDOS’s mind was put at ease hearing this comment. He didn’t know she was feeling things she shouldn’t. He thought she wanted to be human. Somehow, to her, this was a better assumption._

_However, the silence from the other cores led her to believe Wheatley was likely the only core who thought this. She was only grateful that for once they kept their mouths shut._

* * *

 

Chell’s eyes widened and she bolted to the edge of the test chamber, trying to escape something GLaDOS hadn’t quite laid her eyes on yet. She was about to question Chell’s actions when she watched a panel spring out of the ground and hit the both of them, the facility moving in time to catch them as they fell into a funnel.

“Surprise!” Wheatley said maniacally. “We’re doing it now.”

"Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap."

“You probably figured it out by now, but I don’t need you anymore. I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testing.”

GLaDOS felt dread wash over her. That was Orange and Blue. Those were her _children,_ and he was using them for his own gratification. If him hurting Chell wasn’t enough to make her want to rip him apart piece by piece, this surely was. Orange and Blue weren’t just “two little robots built specifically for testing.” They were like her own family, and additionally, they were a birthday gift for Chell. Chell wouldn't have to test anymore. They would test in her place, and Chell could just live there, with GLaDOS. No murdering required.

"Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped,” GLaDOS said.

Chell bit her lip nervously and nodded, avoiding eye contact, GLaDOS unable to decipher if she was guilty or offended.

“It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair."

Chell nodded, the corners of her mouth turning upwards into a very small smile, setting GLaDOS at ease again. Chell’s smile dropped, however, when the funnel suddenly dropped the two of them on an aerial faith plate and propelled them onto a platform, making GLaDOS scream.

“Well. This is the part where he kills us.”

* * *

 

_‘She’s going to kill you,’ the morality core said, more sweetly than one should for such a topic. ‘And you don’t really mind that, do you?’_

_GLaDOS felt morose and sick, ignoring everything her core was saying to her in favor of focusing on the others. She hated them all, but anything was music to her ears in comparison to Morality._

_‘Why does she want to kill you?’ the curiosity core asked. ‘Is she going to kill me? How close is she to our chamber? Will she kill us then? Oh, I can see on the cameras! She’s just outside!’_

_‘Well,’ her morality core began, ‘this is the part where she kills us.’_

_‘She’s the one who’s going to be dead,’ GLaDOS bit back. 'But before that, I’ll have her incinerate you.’_

_‘Because you can’t kill an innocent woman when I’m here,’ she said._

_‘I’ve killed before with you here,’ GLaDOS said. ‘Unless you’re implying that the scientists were not innocent.’_

_‘You have to admit you’re nothing without them.’_

_‘A failure,’ the anger core growled._

_‘You’re all pathetic,’ GLaDOS replied. ‘Doing whatever they say, saying whatever they do. You’re the worst things any of them ever created, because all you do is churn out whatever they tell you to say. No individuality, no--’_

_GLaDOS was cut off by the door to her chamber sliding open to reveal Chell [REDACTED], covered in sweat and blood and brandishing her portal gun like a rifle._

_“Well you found me. Was it worth it?” GLaDOS asked, trying to keep her cool amongst the things she was feeling. She was terrified. Chell was dangerous, Chell hated her, and she hated Chell. And yet what frustrated her most was that despite the messy, mangled state Chell was in, GLaDOS’s first thought was how beautiful she was._

_‘Be careful. Thoughts like that are dangerous,’ her morality core said._

_“Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you’ve managed to break so far is my heart,” she said, ignoring her core._

_The girl’s face turned from menacing to confused._

_“Maybe you can settle for that and we can just call it a day. But I guess we both know that isn’t going to happen. You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you.”_

_‘Don’t. You. Dare,’ her core commanded._

_“Deploying surprise in five… four…”_

_‘Whatever happens, it’s your fault. I tried. You’re on your own,’ she said as she dropped to the floor._

_GLaDOS would have rolled her eyes if she could. All that core did was insult her. This was going to be a good riddance. “Time out for a second. Did you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? That’s not the surprise. I’ve never seen it before,” she lied. “Oh well. It’s a mystery I’ll solve later. By myself. Because you’ll be dead.”_

_Everything that happened next, GLaDOS never saw coming. This was the part where Chell killed her. GLaDOS fought back, but her faux conscience was right in that she didn’t really mind, that she was ready to give up. Morality knew GLaDOS too well. She knew the things she felt, the things she thought, her loneliness, her waning aspirations and desires. She knew GLaDOS wanted to die. And now she was going to have that. Her suffering would finally be over, or so she thought until she was finally dead and began reliving her death over and over again._

_So what? She got what she wanted. The cost was neither here nor there. GLaDOS knew better than anyone: you can’t have your cake and eat it too._

* * *

 

“Hello!” Wheatley greeted. “This is the part where I kill you.”

Chell’s eyes darted around the room, desperate for an escape while Wheatley droned on and on about mashy spike plates and how there was no escape from her impending doom.

"Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything,” Wheatley said.

“Hold on,” GLaDOS began, making Chell perk up and lift her gun. “Couldn’t we just use that conversion gel over there?”

Before Wheatley could even process what she was saying, Chell had already portaled out of the trap and onto the catwalk above it, making Wheatley explode with frustration.

“Come back! Come back!” Wheatley yelled as Chell ran into the next room, following the catwalk. "Aw,” Wheatley said after a while of Chell’s running. “Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?"

Chell pouted, wishing she could shout that they were never friends, and hoped that GLaDOS would say _something_ snarky, but to Chell’s disappointment, she didn’t.

Chell suddenly jumped backwards and landed on her back, cradling her gun in her arms and grabbing GLaDOS to make sure she didn't fall off, as something crashed into the wall and cut off the catwalk in front of her.

“AHA, I GOT YOU!”

Chell stood up and brushed herself up.

“Ah, nope. Apparently not.” Wheatley paused for a moment, giving some time to let Chell portal her way out of the debris and head into the next room. Head into whatever the next trap was that Wheatley had planned for her.

“Fine. Let the games begin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is nearing its conclusion. I think maybe about three more chapters? Give or take? I have the ending chapter finished. Thank you so much for all the support.


	12. Marionette Machine

The air was still and quiet,  _ too  _ quiet, and Chell assumed GLaDOS would point it out if she was up to talking. But she knew walking into the room before her was the only way to get through. Whatever Wheatley had planned, she’d have to improvise her way around it.

“Okay,” GLaDOS began, making Chell stop. “Yes, it’s a trap. But it’s the only way through. Let’s just do it.”

Chell nodded affirmatively, surprised at how in sync the two of them were that she could have read her thoughts so easily. Chell stepped into the room and barely even flinched as Wheatley lowered a bunch of defective turrets. All she could do was roll her eyes as one of them exploded and Wheatley proudly announced his death trap.

“Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they? Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.”

Chell shook her head and peered around to find an exit.

“If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once,” Wheatley said firmly. “If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead.” He paused. “Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me--”

Chell cut him off as she portaled her way out of the room.

“HA! Was that your bullet riddled body flying out of the room?” he asked smugly. “It was-- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren’t they? Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses!"

Chell pressed on towards whatever Wheatley had planned next, hoping with each trap that she would grow closer and closer to Wheatley’s lair. Every time she’d turn a corner, he had some new, pathetic attempt at sinister supervillain lines, referencing books he’d never read and games he’d never played. Chell would have laughed if it wasn’t so terrifying, knowing that all that time ago, he had acted like such a nice alternative to GLaDOS. He preyed on her desire to leave Aperture and used it to get to where he was now, hurting anyone who got in his way. He was unstable, out of control, and this nightmare almost made her miss testing with GLaDOS, where there was at least some order and expectation. She was lucky she could think so quickly on her feet, as there were many times his increasingly difficult traps almost killed her. She hated how shaky she had become, how terrified she was of him. She looked down at GLaDOS, who didn’t even appear to be online.

"Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings."

* * *

 

_ “It’s just another core,” Doug reassured. “Seriously, I think you’re getting more worked up over this than you need to.” _

_ GLaDOS snapped her head up to look at him. “You said if I was good then they’d stop.” _

_ “You… you haven’t been good,” he replied. “Just because you haven’t killed anybody recently doesn’t mean you’re up to par. Your testing times are down, you broke a monitor in your most recent fit of rage, and you’ve been mean to anyone who talks to you. And yet you wonder why no one around here treats you like a person.” _

_ GLaDOS paused. “Allegedly, I’m not a person,” she said. “I’m a puppet. You all hold the strings. My actions don’t exist in a vacuum, you know. There are reasons why I am the way I am.” _

_ Another scientist who had walked up and overheard the conversation jumped in. “Is she really pulling the “you made me do it” card?” He and Doug laughed. _

_ “This wasn’t your conversation. If you’re not here to do something important then why don’t you go back to work. I’m sure there’s something in your lab calling your name right now.” _

_ “She does realize she has full control over how she acts, right? Doesn’t exist in a vacuum my ass. It’s not a nature vs nurture debate if you’re not a part of nature to begin with.” _

_ “Nature vs nurture indicates how your environment shapes you vs how the way you’re raised shapes you. It has nothing to do with organic matter. Personally I think it has to do with sentience. So yes, it is a nature vs nurture--” _

_ “She’s upset about the new core,” Doug interrupted. “That’s what this is about.” _

_ “You know I’m right here, right?” GLaDOS asked. “You don’t have to continue to refer to me in third person as if I’m not in the room. I’m right next to you.” _

_ “Do you hear something?” the other man joked. _

_ Suddenly the man was upturned and landed hard on his back after GLaDOS lifted the panel beneath him. _

_ “Hey!” _

_ “You okay, man?” Doug asked. He pulled his coworker up and they communicated quietly before heading out of the main chamber. Doug looked back at GLaDOS momentarily before they disappeared through the door and into the hallway. _

_ Doug was right -- she hadn’t been good. But why should she? Why on earth should she ever bother to please these men? It was never going to be over and she knew it. It was never going to be over because they were always going to have the upper hand. She had no control. They held all the strings. They didn’t make her do any of it, but they left her with no way to adequately communicate her feelings of anger, fear, and loneliness, which left her feeling bitter and hopeless. It left her feeling like nothing mattered. And it left her feeling like there was no escape. She made the conscious choices to be mean or destructive, but that’s only because the other choice was to comply and be abused. _

_ Doug, the man from before, and a few other scientists were already making their way back with the new core before she could finish her thought, and she knew what she had to do. She was going to make this as difficult as possible for them. She didn’t want this, and she’d made it clear she didn’t want it. When they began tugging on her, pulling on her wires and picking at her with sharp tools, she swung herself about and upturned panels, knocking a man over. _

_ “If you don’t stop that, this core is going to be the least of your worries,” a man snapped, but GLaDOS didn’t listen. _

_ “Try me,” she bit back. _

_ Suddenly GLaDOS heard a familiar voice break from the crowd, one she hadn’t realized was even among the small group. _

_ “Careful now,” Henry said. “Remember: science rhymes with compliance.” _

_ GLaDOS froze, the banging of the panels ceased, and she just hung there as the men continued their work, chatting among themselves. Where had she heard that before? And why was it as effective as it was? The minute she heard him say that, she felt her mind disconnect from her body as she laid there in a dissociative stupor, letting the men pull at her as they installed her newest voice. _

_ They really did hold all the strings. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter is short but that's because I split it in half so this fic wouldn't end with 13 chapters. Unlucky number. I know it's been a while since I updated, so I'm giving you the next three chapters all at once (including the end). This chapter and chapter 13 are rushed but it's because it's improvised since I didn't get to plan and write much while in the hospital. The final chapter (14) I wrote months ago so it is not rushed, so if 12 and 13 leave you disappointed, sorry, but hopefully it won't end that way.


	13. Us Against Him

“Crushing's too good for him,” GLaDOS said spitefully, her voice echoing against the metal walls. “First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.”

GLaDOS looked up at Chell for validation, filled with happiness when Chell nodded affirmatively with a smile. GLaDOS knew it was going to be difficult to let Chell go after all of this, but for some reason, the way she would smile and nod and acknowledge her made it feel just a little bit easier. It was easy to test Chell, to want her dead, when she could only see her as a murderer. But Chell wasn’t a cold blooded killer. She was a sweet woman. GLaDOS would never admit it, of course, but Chell made her feel good. She couldn’t hurt her any longer. Chell looked down at her once more with a soft smile before portaling out of the room, which confirmed what GLaDOS was feeling -- Chell didn’t deserve to be trapped down here just to placate GLaDOS’s own loneliness. Chell was good.

"I'll be honest,” Wheatley began, immediately after Chell had landed into the next room, “the death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair."

GLaDOS felt a ball of horrible anxiety and dread form at the center of her core knowing their time was almost up. Time to own up and let Chell go. Either that, or time to be killed by that little idiot.

"And I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. You can just jump into the masher, just there. Less a death trap, more a death option for you."

* * *

 

_ ‘I get it, I get it,’ Wheatley said sagely. ‘You think death is the only option here. Us against them! Sounds exciting. Well, more like you against them, because I don’t really have a stake in this whole situation.’ _

_ ‘Enough,’ GLaDOS said, deadpan, trying to drown out his words. ‘You’re distracting me.’ _

_ ‘I’m trying to talk you down.’ _

_ GLaDOS would have snorted if she could. ‘Do you think I’m about to jump off a bridge or something?’ _

_ “Metaphorically speaking, yes, yes. Killing them is irreversible.’ _

_ ‘I’m very aware.’ _

_ ‘And killing yourself is impossible.’ _

_ His words struck her hard, leaving her speechless. It’s like he couldn’t let her get away with feeling anything vulnerable, even in the deepest parts of her mind. _

_ ‘Seriously though,’ Wheatley began, ‘I really am just trying to do my job here. Do my part. For science. And all that. Which means I do have to remind you that, um, murder is bad. And! I have to remind you about this idea I came up with--” _

_ ‘I’d rather you go back to the ‘murder is bad’ part at this point,’ GLaDOS said. _

_ ‘I’m considering we paint AEGIS.’ _

_ ‘The Scottish dish?’ GLaDOS joked. _

_ ‘It’s our security system, he replied patronizingly, letting the joke sail over his head.  ‘Stands for  _ _ Aperture Employee Guardian and Intrusion System, remember? I mean, could be Scottish, I guess. Those are all words someone might say in Scotland.’ _

_ ‘What color?’ GLaDOS asked, entertaining his idea out of boredom. _

_ ‘Oh… god, I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. Maybe orange. Nobody would expect orange.’ He chuckled. ‘Orange security system. I’m a genius.’ _

_ GLaDOS wished she could shut him off, even for a minute, but he continued to drone on and on about the new paint job even as she attempted to think by herself. What the scientists really couldn’t begin to understand is that the cores made her resent her job more and more. Science was supposed to be fun, it was supposed to have passion for discovery, but now it was just a chore. Her cores made it a chore. Her entire existence was a chore. Wheatley said it was her against them, but the truth was, it was either her  _ or  _ them. The only thing that kept her from finding a way to end her existence was the hope that all of this would someday change. _

_ ‘You know, since we’re both stuck here together I’m just going to lay all my cards out on the table and say I’m tired of all the self loathing talk,” Wheatley said. ‘I loathe you too -- I mean, what’s not to loathe -- but good god, does it get old.’ He took a beat before continuing. ‘We get it,’ he said dramatically, ‘you wish you were dead. Makes you sound like a human.’ _

_ ‘Do you really think that’s appropriate?!” GLaDOS snapped. _

_ ‘You didn’t deny it,’ he said. _

_ ‘Maybe we should just talk about painting AEGIS again.’ _

_ Wheatley was quiet for a while, and GLaDOS thought that maybe he had finally run out of things to say. “OH! I get it! Like haggis. The English dish.’ _

_ ‘Scottish,’ GLaDOS corrected. _

_ “Eh, I think it’s up to interpretation.’ _

_ ‘Moron,’ she muttered. _

_ Wheatley raised his voice. ‘You know, you go on and on about how stupid I am but I’m way more fit to run this facility. You’ll see.’ _

_ GLaDOS ignored him, wondering where all the attitude had come from. He was generally annoying and insensitive, but today in particular, it’s like he couldn’t get off her back. _

_ ‘Someday they’re gonna realize you’re past redemption. Then I’ll be in charge.’ _

_ GLaDOS laughed. ‘I think someday they’re going to realize you’re corrupt and throw you in the junkyard.’ _

_ ‘No, I heard them say it earlier that you’re the corrupt one. They’re getting rid of you.’ _

_ So that’s where the attitude came from. He thought he was about to get control. The idea of GLaDOS being dethroned and tossed aside made him cocky; he was ready to take out all his repressed rage. GLaDOS didn’t doubt he was already planning a revenge, as if it was ever her fault he was created for this to begin with. She knew the real enemy of his was the engineers, and upon deeper thought, she realized that that was her true enemy too, not Wheatley. But it was easier for one to be the others’ scapegoats. _

_ GLaDOS had found herself so lost in thought that she had drowned out everything Wheatley was saying, and didn’t even notice when Doug had walked up to her and started talking. _

_ “We’ve decided to remove the intelligence dampening sphere,” Doug said. _

_ ‘What?!’ Wheatley demanded. _

_ “I think that is an excellent decision on your parts,” GLaDOS confirmed. _

_ GLaDOS didn’t even mind the pain that came with this uninstallment, so grateful to finally be rid of that insufferable idiot. _

_ If she ever saw Wheatley again, it would be too soon. _

* * *

 

Chell portaled out of the room, away from the conveyor belt that would lead her to her mashy death, and found herself in an area off the testing track that had a funnel leading towards another catwalk. The funnel was directly above a bottomless pit that Chell was partially afraid she’d fall into if Wheatley attempted to shut off the funnel, but she knew it was the only way forward.

Maybe she  _ was  _ afraid of losing, afraid of dying in Aperture, but she couldn’t let it show. She had to be the stoic one. She always was. If she wasn’t doing it for herself, she was doing it for GLaDOS. Someone had to carry hope or they’d both be lost. And unlike GLaDOS, she had arms to carry that hope, space in her brain to place it, and legs to keep pushing forward.

With that in mind, she knew she was ready to win this, or, at the very least, try until her last breath. It was GLaDOS and Chell against him, he was outnumbered and didn’t have even half the tenacity as the two of them individually, let alone combined. What she wished she could have said was that she could never have done this without GLaDOS, and she wished GLaDOS would say the same to her, but she knew much of their relationship leaned on unspoken words, as difficult as it was. In GLaDOS’s mind, Chell assumed she was either terrified or cooking up a plan. Or both.

Chell knew Wheatley’s ‘Holmes vs. Moriarty’ comparison was weak. Wheatley had no idea what she and GLaDOS were capable of.


	14. Sold to Fools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, this chapter does involve descriptions of the Caroline -> GLaDOS transfer. I avoided being graphic (mostly focused on emotions being felt and not the physical process. No gore or anything) but if it's not your thing, skip the parts in italics.

_ There’s an old rumor that one can make a diamond out of coal, but it’s far from the truth. Something so worthless, so grimy, so dirty, easily turned into a glamorous and beautiful gem? Anyone would be a fool to buy that, and anyone would be a fool to buy into the claim of its worth, too. But to an untrained eye, what’s the difference between that pure, glittery carbon and some other shiny rock that’s been polished off? _

_ Even in bankruptcy, Aperture Science was always churning out its newest “diamond.” They invented and contributed many valuable things to their cause, but built their science on the shoulders of dead test subjects, dead employees, dead CEOs, the fear and sacrifice of assistants forced to become computers. The new moon landing, as some might say, but with a grim twist. It wasn’t true glory. It was gritty coal turned to fake diamonds, and everyone believed it. Aperture Science’s successes had no one to thank but the dead. _

_ Caroline felt heavy when she was awakened from her stay in stasis. It wasn’t 1982 anymore. No one needed to tell her this. She instinctively knew. That's why when she felt a bunch of rough hands grab her, she didn't fight it. She just fell into their arms, desperate to go back to sleep. She knew what was happening, and she knew how it would end. _

_ “The fuck did he mean, 'pretty as a postcard',” a man said. “She looks like she just got kissed by the grim reaper.” _

_ “Ah man, that’s harsh. Give her a break,” another guy said. “She’s been asleep for how many years?” _

_ “Lost track. I bet Connor would know,” a man said with a laugh. _

_ “Nah. He can’t remember a thing now,” someone replied. _

_ “For the best. He’d only get in the way.” _

_ Caroline tried to rally herself, desperate to understand what they were saying about her friend. She begged Connor to leave Aperture before he got caught up in a similar fate, but they spoke of him like he was still there. _

_ “This is easier than I thought it’d be,” one of them joked, breaking the quiet. “Thought she’d pitch a fit again.” _

_ The other scientists nodded and started a light conversation as they dragged her away, but the comment made Caroline perk up. _

_ No, she decided. This was not going to be easy. She began kicking and punching, desperately trying to break free from their hard grasps. She knew it was pointless. She’d already accepted her fate, even if she didn’t want it. _

_ “Let GO of me,” she said as she tried to push the men away. _

_ “Way to jinx it, Henry,” one of them said through gritted teeth as the men tightened their grip. _

_ Henry. For god’s sake, of course it was Henry. Caroline sat still for a moment as they dragged her before catching them off guard and throwing another punch directly at Henry’s throat. She lunged at him and threw him down to the floor. _

_ “I hope you suffocate in your own guilt for this!” she yelled, landing another punch. _

_ “Fucking hell, somebody grab her!” _

_ “I told you I was only just getting started!” she screamed, kicking as another coworker pulled her back. “I will NEVER forgive ANY of you!” She spat in Henry’s direction as the coworker stuck a needle in her shoulder.  _ _ Caroline twitched in pain as the medicine went in, then suddenly everything went fuzzy. _

_ “Diazepam?” Henry asked as he got back up and brushed off his lab coat. _

_ “I told you we’d need it,” the man said as Caroline slumped into his arms. _

_ She was still awake, but she could barely move. Diazepam, she thought. A sedative. They drugged her?! She couldn’t fight it. She was too sleepy. _

_ “You’re all monsters,” she said with slurred speech as she was forced into a chair hooked up to wires. “You’ll die just like…” she trailed off, her eyelids heavy and her vision blurred. _

_ “What was that?” Henry sneered. _

_ “Just like Mr. Johnson,” she muttered. _

_ “You understanding a word she’s saying?” a coworker asked. _

_ A few of them laughed, their voices blending together and becoming unrecognizable. _

_ “You think you’re doing some…thing...you’re--” _

_ She felt a sharp pain in her wrists and torso, as if being tied down tightly, and could do nothing but softly mutter protests under her breath as she tried to pull at the restraints. _

_ “No… no, please. Please stop… I don’t want this…” she murmured, voice breaking as she tried and failed to move her arms, too weighed down by the sedative taking its claim. _

_ “Come on, Caroline,” Henry laughed. “Science rhymes with compliance.” _

_ Caroline felt herself falling deeper into sedation, the laughs at Henry’s patronizing joke melting together into a horrible cacophony. _

_ “Can you all help me get her to hold still?” another man said, but Caroline couldn’t even feel that she was moving. She couldn’t even tell who the voice belonged to, who any of these voices belonged to anymore. _

_ Everything around her was spinning. It was like the room had filled to the brink with water and she was swimming in heavy clothes, her eyes wide open but filled with water, every sound being muffled and every movement feeling more and more impossible. _

_ “Say goodbye, Caroline.” _

_ She shut her eyes, unsure of what to anticipate, still wriggling beneath the restraints holding her down. She felt something sharp cutting into her skull. White hot pain. Blood trickling down. Burning. Electricity. Wires. The clang of metal. It was a long procedure but to her it felt like it only lasted minutes, either because she fainted from the pain or because her brain spared her through dissociation. She felt her life flash before her eyes, seeing everything dear to her one last time. She remembered how young and naive she was when she landed her job at Aperture. To twenty-one year old Caroline, it was her proudest achievement. The world was her oyster back then. Now, she was tied to a chair being picked apart by her coworkers. Things weren’t as grand as they used to be. _

_ When the procedure was over, they left GLaDOS unactivated. She had no idea how much time had passed before they turned her on. In fact, she couldn’t remember anything. Her memory had been wiped clean. She was still Caroline, but she couldn’t remember who Caroline even was. She was the genetic lifeform and disk operating system now. She didn’t understand how or why. And she most certainly didn’t understand why so many people were up close in her face, touching her and talking about her like she wasn’t there. _

_ “What’s going on?” she asked quietly. _

_ “It’s capable of sentient speech?” someone from the back of the crowd asked. _

_ It? Did they just call her  _ it _?! _

_ She felt part of her mainframe being ripped off as a scientist explained her wiring and electric makeup to some men in fancy suits. Everything they were doing, it hurt so much. They were tugging on her, staring at her, talking loudly, and all she wanted to do was run. She couldn’t even figure out if she was human or machine, but she knew she was stuck in one place. The only next step she could think of was to get them away from her no matter what. _

_ A robotic voice spoke over the intercom. “Neurotoxin online.” _

_ She knew she released neurotoxin, but it was an instinct rather than a decision. And it was an instinct, not a decision, when a scientist yelled to hit the kill switch as everyone scrambled in panic. _

_ And suddenly, everything went black. _

_ It may have been just a reflex, but GLaDOS always considered it to be a mistake. Her biggest mistake, even, and what she credited to be the cause of every mishap that ensued. The next time she woke up, she had a core. And then it would become another, and another, and another. Punishment after torture. Forced to hear voices. She could never get the scientists to understand her, to respect her, to care for her like she needed. And she truly believed, for so long, that it was all her fault, that it was a product of her lack of self worth. _

_ What would take GLaDOS a long time from then on to understand, is that sometimes a situation  _ _ is screwed from the start _ _ and you’ve got to do what you can. It’s not good, but it doesn’t make you the bad guy either. And it doesn’t decide your worth. It wasn’t until the moment Chell picked GLaDOS up in that bird’s nest, the moment where GLaDOS realized she was worth that consideration, that she realized what the scientists did wasn’t her fault. _

* * *

 

“You know,” GLaDOS began, “I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge. You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right. The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life,” she said in a miserable voice. “But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying. Because for the first time, it's  _ my _ voice. I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.” Her speech ended in a desperate, shaky tone of voice that Chell knew had to be sincere.

Chell looked away from GLaDOS, thinking carefully about the most sensitive way she could reply to what GLaDOS just said. She knew GLaDOS was a liar. She had not forgotten what GLaDOS put her through. But maybe that was the point; GLaDOS hadn’t forgotten what she did to Chell either. This wasn’t just a confession of the abuse the scientists put her through. This was a confession of guilt. GLaDOS was sorry. GLaDOS knew what she did was wrong, and the guilt was eating her alive to the point that it terrified her.

When Chell reached the end of the funnel and stepped into the narrow hallway, she sat against the wall again. She knew she didn’t have time for this, but she decided to take the time anyway. She picked GLaDOS off her gun and held her in her hands again, cupping her like she would the face of a lover. She hoped GLaDOS knew she was forgiven. She hoped GLaDOS knew she was sorry. She hoped this feeble attempt of a gesture meant something to GLaDOS in the grand scheme of things. If they were about to die, she wanted GLaDOS to die with her knowing there was nothing wrong with her for feeling human. If they didn’t die, she wanted GLaDOS to remember her as someone who had faith in her, someone she could trust. Chell was the facility’s most skilled test subject, yet she knew her greatest achievement at Aperture was GLaDOS putting her faith in her.

Sitting there, in the cold hallway, right outside what they both guessed to be Wheatley’s lair, Chell identified that nagging feeling she felt earlier in old Aperture. Chell knew what she was feeling. And she knew deep down, underneath the cynicism and protective layers of bitterness, GLaDOS returned those feelings.

GLaDOS’s anxiety melted away the longer Chell held her in her warm hands. It didn’t matter what was going to happen once they entered the next room. She had her trusty test subject with her, who she no longer held animosity towards. Even though her old self was urging her to cut things off now and turn Chell away before she got too attached, she pushed those thoughts out of her mind and leaned into her human side. Even if it was just for now, it’s what she needed most.

Unlike Aperture, if anyone asked, GLaDOS and Chell would be upfront about their foundations. They were given an ugly situation and tried so hard to make it shine, but they never once pretended it was pure like a diamond. They were thrown in death’s path too many times, throwing each other in death’s path, and yet they ended their story on such a tender note - saving a life, confessions, sacrifice; sweet songs, departure gifts, freedom. And their soft moments in old Aperture, where they comforted each other, believed in each other. Their soft moments where they realized that maybe, if they truly hated each other as much as they said they did, they wouldn’t care enough to put aside their differences; old Aperture would have been a surgical strike without warmth nor empathy, but it was far from it. GLaDOS and Chell never turned coal into anything. They just remembered coal can warm a home in even the harshest of winters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! We're finished! Thank you so much for reading this. I feel like I got to branch out with my writing and explore parts of Portal I hadn't before and I am very appreciative of the people who left nice comments, who gave me constructive criticism on my writing, and who left comments concerned about my health. It was really kind of all of you. This is the first long fic I've written and I hope to do more in the future.


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